It’s a song and a sigh of the weary.

As we pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears
Let us all taste the hungers of the poor.
There’s a song that will linger forever in our ears:
Hard times, come again no more.

It’s a song and a sigh of the weary.
Hard times, hard times, come again no more.
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door.
Hard times, come again no more.

As we seek mirth, and beauty, and music light and gay
There are frail forms fainting at the door.
Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say:
Hard times, come again no more.

It’s a song and a sigh of the weary.
Hard times, hard times, come again no more.
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door.
Hard times, come again no more.

It’s a song that the wind blows across the troubled wave.
It’s a cry that is heard along the shore.
It’s the words that are whispered beside the lowly grave
When hard times will come again no more.

It’s a song and a sigh of the weary.
Hard times, hard times, come again no more.
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door.
Hard times, come again no more.

-Hard Times, Eastmountainsouth, Elizabethtown Soundtrack

This past week has been one of the very worst of my life. I don’t say that lightly. I’ve had some pretty awful weeks in my short lifetime. I’ve seen sickness, I’ve rolled my car, I’ve been sexually assaulted.  This week, my mother passed away very suddenly. I can’t say unexpectedly, as she had been fighting cancer for the last 13 years. She died before I could get my sister home. She had a massive stroke or heart attack while I held her hand and played with her hair. I had to decide to make the doctors to keep fighting and put her on a ventilator. I had to be the one to tell my uncles, my cousin, and my sister that they arrived a mere few hours after she passed. I was supposed to move in with Mum the day after she died. The movers were booked. I am now the co-executor on the estate with my brother, and I’ve had to look at the home that I grew up in, the home that my father died in, as an asset to be used to pay off the debts accumulated by my parents over the 22 years that they lived here. Thank the gods that there isn’t much debt, and we should be able to keep the house for sale later and just pay things off with their investments.

I realized a friendship was truly done, and others were so much stronger than I ever thought possible. I let go, and relied on other people. I slept beside my sister. I slept with a stuffed animal. I met with lawyers and bankers. I went through pictures and laughed. I had a cheque bounce, I missed an interview and I rescheduled my hair cut. I’m having an allergic reaction.  I fought with my brother and then held him and cried. I had a piggy back battle in the front yard. We played board games. I arranged a funeral and wakes. I heard stories that I will cherish forever. I am realizing just how lucky I am to have both Pat and his family in my life.  I realized that all of these things that I went through, I was never alone. Pat was right there beside me, holding me up, along side my family.

I have barely cried. I am in shock and denial. I have been full of rage, of fear, of confusion. I begged a dying woman to stay here and fight. I eventually told her to go and find peace. I was a doula to the dying and longed to hear a baby’s first cry again. I was released from my duty and am terrified at the possibilities.

I am getting married in June.

I feel lost and scared one moment, and stronger than I ever thought I could be the next.

Together, as a family, we will get through this. I even have hope that we may be stronger than ever.

One of the worst weeks of my life, but also one of the most defining.

Rest in Peace, Mummy. You were truly the strongest and most beautiful person I’ve had the honour to know and love.

My sister, Mum and I

Mother, wife, sister, grandmother, great-grandmother, aunt, role model, mentor, friend, companion…61 years young. <3 Miss you Mum. You made the world a better place.

2 thoughts on “It’s a song and a sigh of the weary.

  1. *hugs* It’s hard to lose a parent, this I know. There are no words I can give to share the depth of feeling that this creates, sweet dragon. *hugs*

  2. Your words made me tear up a little. *big hugs* You are a strong person Heather, and I know you will be able to survive this… My thoughts are with you and your family…

    Take the time you need for this… dont rush any of your feelings.

    *hugs*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s