Obviously my frustration and anger yesterday manifested itself in a lovely dream last night.
For whatever reason, whenever I dream about the deaths of my parents, my mother always dies first. I’m not sure why this is, but even when I have the premonition dream a few days before Dad died back in ’08, the dream had my mother die, and then my father dying of heartbreak. When I woke up, I was really worried about Mum because she had just had heart surgery a week before so I thought maybe something was wrong there. I was VERY surprised when Mum found Dad dead in the kitchen a few days later.
Last night’s dream surrounded my mother’s death. It basically gave me a quick intro of Mum dying, us grieving and then it was suddenly two months later (about now, June 9th was the 2 month mark) and Dad informs us that he has a new girlfriend.
I was shocked, angry. I couldn’t believe my father would try to replace Mum so quickly. Such a shocking disrespect, not only to us and our grief, but to Mum as well. I was absolutely disgusted when I found out later that this relationship had been going on for 6 months…four months before Mum’s death. Dad seemed so unaffected by our reaction, like he could care less. The woman was almost an anti-Mom. She was pale, blond, curvy and tall (to my mother’s short, dark skin, dark hair and thin frame). She had a harsh face, wrinkled and mean blue eyes (A female and older version of the family member I’m having issues with? She also reminded me of my brother Mike’s ex, J. A terrible woman with a serious drinking problem who really disliked me). She was cruel, and mean. I was so unhappy and completely amazed that my father was acting this way. I remember thinking “Poor Mum. She doesn’t deserve this.” I wanted to defend her, to protect her, to make sure her memory and her name got the respect it deserved. For some reason, Tracy was welcoming to this woman, wanting to give her a chance.
I felt alone in my pain and my frustration. And somehow, everyone made me feel like I was the problem, not my father or this woman.
I woke up angry, frustrated, hurt, and abandoned. Pretty much how I was feeling yesterday. Ugh. I just want this whole drama to be over. It’s also strange to note that I have had several dreams about both of my parents cheating on each other. I wonder what that means?