Blood is thicker?

When my grandmother died, my father was delayed getting to her home. The same day that she passed, my mother had her first miscarriage. My father finally listened to her when she said “Go”, so he arrived at his mother’s house to find it nearly empty. Her family, the family that had little to do with my father, because his Catholic mother had married aprotestant, had raided the place before he got there and took literally everything they could carry, leaving him only the heavy furniture we still have at the family home today.

When my other grandmother died, my mother’s brother and his wife decided that my mother was on a power trip and demanded more control in the estate. When my mother refused, stating that she had been chosen as executor for a reason, they disowned her. She wasn’t invited to the reception after the funeral. They never spoke to her again. When my mother died,  that brother sat by himself at the back of the room and wept. He left, and barely said goodbye to us. I don’t expect I’ll ever see him again.

Death and money do funny things to people. I think they bring out our true nature. Unfortunately, in my family’s case, it hasn’t been entirely positive. I don’t want to get into details, because the point of this post isn’t to gossip, slander or hurt anyone. It makes me very sad to see that these trends, these horrible things that we’ve witnessed, have happened, despite our parents warning us and trying to teach us better.

I am hurt and disgusted. I am shocked and amazed.

I know, that at the end of this, my definition of family will have drastically changed. I know that I can see now, who loves me and who knows me. I can see who I will give the honour to share in our lives. I think too many people just let anyone in, and let them stomp all over their hearts. No, not anymore. Civility and manners are one thing, but love, relationships and the real meaning of family have to be earned. I have decided to value myself, to defend myself, and to do right by my parents.

Cherish yourself and listen to what your heart tells you. Sometimes it is the right thing to invoke your inner warrior and defend yourself. Sometimes it is better to keep quiet and let the situation calm down. I have to trust that my parents raised me right and that I can only do my best.

6 thoughts on “Blood is thicker?

  1. We have blood family and we have chosen family. Sometimes the two are not one in the same. I am so sorry for what you are going through. No family should ever have to deal with the drama that seems to often go with a loved one’s passing.

    • Thank you so much. I totally agree. I think sometimes, we are lucky enough to have our blood family also be the family that we choose, but that’s not always the case. It’s unfortunate that in these moments of extreme dispair, that so often the negative shines through, instead of the strength and support that should be in there instead.

  2. I’ve been struggling for some time on the concept of “blood is thicker than water”.

    Sharing some of the same DNA does not make you friends. It does not guarantee that you will, or necessarily should, take a family-member’s side in all matters.

    I’ve had some blood-relation issues in the past year as well. It’s brought me to the realization that whether you are close to the people that you share DNA with is a choice. And you don’t have to sacrifice yourself for them, simply because of random gene-sequencing.

    Cherish the fond memories. Let go of the harsh ones. Keep breathing. It’s about all you can do.

    • Thank you for this. It’s hard when so many people push down your throat that you should allow this behaviour to happen simply because of blood relation. <3 Thanks for the advice. It's hard, but I'm trying to move forward and not let the anger and the hurt poison me further

  3. i think people earn our trust and our love. being biologically related to someone doesn’t entitle them to that trust and love. when it comes to family, i think it is brave and mature to draw lines, create limits, choose carefully. clearly, these people were never good to the bone–true colors are revealed in times like these. don;t mourn the loss of their relationship to you as you mourn other losses–your “non-siblings” aren’t worth that kind of pain. you have other things to focus on and move toward.

    you have proven yourself to be steadfast, caring, intelligent, loving and wise. your mom and dad would be so proud of you and Tracy for being such good people. *HUGE SNUG*

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