Depression

I think it’s time that you, my readers, understand something about me that I don’t often talk about. It’s one of those things that paints the way people see you, perceive you, and often, it paints a negative picture of who you are. Many people grew up with the idea that we should suffer in silence. That it is burdening those around us to share our difficulties. That it is a sign of weakness to talk about these things. I am of the opinion that it shows strength and hope to open up, and to face it head on, so I’m going to do just that.

I am one of the many people who has depression and anxiety problems. It’s something I’ve struggled with since I was 10 years old. Some years, months and days are better than others. Some are hard and require a lot of effort and support to work through.

As you can imagine, the deaths of both of my parents, in such a short time, have triggered a dark time for me, and it takes a lot of work on my parents and lots of support from my friends and family to push through.

Yesterday was one of those hard days. Being the 9th, it was 5 months from when Mum died. I hadn’t slept well, due to dreams about Mum. On my way to work, I drove passed a cancer patient being wheeled into an ambulance. Pat and I had a good talk and I’m feeling a bit better today. I’m going back to therapy on Monday, I’m starting to see a chiropractor next week to help with my aches and pains caused by my car accident, and we’ve been talking about getting me a new hobby. He’s trying to convince me to join Karate with him. I’m not so sure, but I’ve decided to give the dojo a try. At very least, it will get me out of the house and doing something active. I’m considering doing their Women’s Self Defense course.

I’m talking about this now because it is something that has a huge impact on my life. It’s a part of my path, and it’s better that I get this out so that you can understand things as I move forward later.

My depression is closely tied with my grief. Here’s a great site that I’ve found for those going through grief and for those that wish to help people through their grief.

7 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Hi Heather, I too have been dealing with the double-edged sword of depression/anxiety since I was a teen. I’m sorry if you felt targeted by my last FB status update–I was having a bad day and was in a pissy mood and needed to rant about *something*. I totally understand liking clothes and shopping and do “retail therapy” once in a while.
    I would really encourage you to take that self-defence course.
    It must be really difficult, dealing with everything you’ve been dealt as of late, and I can sympathize. Keep going! :) <3

    • Thanks so much :) Oh, I didn’t feel targetted. I have noticed a few posts and comments about it recently all over the blogosphere, so I wanted to prep people before making a full blown post :)

  2. I’ve danced with Depression and Anxiety since kindergarten. Highs, Lows and in-betweens. When my mother died when I was 24 I hit one of my lowest points of my life. I had a breakdown/breakthrough, quit my job and pissed around for 3 months baking, painting my house and staying up until 3am watching movies. Then, the clouds started lifting and I began to feel good again. I got another job and was fine until my postpartum depression/psychosis when I was 28. I’ve resigned to the fact that this is me, a rollar coaster of crazy beautiful. Since accepting this, while I still experience these highs and lows, it is somehow still comforting knowing and having faith that what goes down must go up.

    Blessings to you in your time of deep grief.

    • Thank you so much for this. I can relate so much. It definitely feels like a rollercoaster, and it’s comforting to know that this is normal. It’s definitely a trek to get back up, but I will get there :) Thank you.

  3. Pingback: Coming Out « In Among the Heather

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