I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I’m very glad that Samhain has passed. The fall seems like such a busy time that it’s a bit of a relief when the last big event finally passes by. Nothing that has been planned for this fall has actually worked out the way we expected. My mother’s house still is far from being ready for sale. My house is still full of boxes and wedding things that need to be returned. I’m not too worried about it though. The knowledge of the coming winter is almost a comfort to me. It’s an insulated time. With the fall of snow and temperatures, you’re forced to stay inside and work on things there. I feel like I need that white, cold buffer between me and the world right now.
Have gone through an incredible amount of change the last year, and I feel that this winter will help me adjust and accept those changes. I am married, and with that not only has my name changed, but I am tied to another person for, hopefully, a lifetime. We are planning to start a family soon, which will bring a whole new set of changes. I have a new family, and new home and identity. I feel like we have our own nest now, and that this is our time.
My parents are both dead. I knew that this would happen eventually, but it’s still very difficult for me to accept that it is reality now. It is an incredible loss that I can’t even begin to explain, that I would never wish on anyone. It has very suddenly removed a support system that I have been relying on very heavily my whole life. It’s like learning to walk all over again.
In a week, I will be once again unemployed. I have applied for a job that I desperately want and feel very strongly about, but there is a chance that I won’t get it. I need to decide at some point if I want to keep doing the same things and moving in the same direction, or if I want to try something new.
It’s a scary and difficult time in my life, but it’s also an incredibly exciting one. Everything is new to me. This is definitely a time of learning and creating. I can already see the changes in and around me. I’m drawing again. I’m reading voraciously. I’m changing the relationships I have with the people in my life. I’m excited to see where this all leads me :)