Daily Life

Protected: The difficult job of acceptance

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Daily Life

Song Meme

day 05 – a song that reminds you of someone

Both of these are in honour of my friend, Jamie, who I’m seeing today for the first time in about 7 years. We dated over a decade ago, and these two songs are from that time. Both of which, he sang to me. He’s a very talented fella.

If He Tries Anything, Ani DiFranco. This one is a shout out to my girls. It makes me think of my BFFs.

Everything You Want, Vertical Horizon. This song will forever remind me of my husband. Weird, right? Well, except that I pined after him for YEARS before he and I finally got together. We were good friends first, dated off and on, broke up, got back together and then really found love in each other.

Daily Life

Meme catch up!

Sorry to miss yesterday. I was on a professional development course at work all day, so I ended up no having any time at the computer.

day 03 – a song that makes you happy

There are many, but these two always puts a smile on my face:

Sister Kate, The Ditty Bops

Say Hey, Michael Franti & Spearhead

day 04 – a song that makes you sad

Hard Times, Eastmountainsouth. This is the song that I listened to after both my parents died. It’s from the Elizabethtown soundtrack (If you haven’t seen the movie, it’s basically about a man who has moved away from home to pursue a career and had distanced himself from his family. His father died, and he has to come home for the funeral. Throw in some romance, some complicated family dynamics and some really sweet touches, and you have a great but heartbreaking movie). Once Tracy and Lacy had arrived from Calgary, after Dad’s passing, I remember sitting down in Dad’s office. I put on this song, and we sang and cried together.

let us pause in life’s pleasures and count its many tears
while we all sup sorrow with the poor
there’s a song that will linger forever in our ears
oh, hard times come again no more

’tis a song… a sigh of the weary
hard times… hard times come again no more
many days you have lingered around my cabin door
oh… hard times come again no more

while we seek mirth and beauty
and music light and gay
there are frail ones fainting at the door
though their voices are silent
their pleading looks will say
oh, hard times come again no more

’tis a song… a sigh of the weary
hard times… hard times come again no more
many days you have lingered around my cabin door
oh, hard times come again no more

’tis a sigh that is wafted across the troubled wave
’tis a wail that is heard upon the shore
’tis a dirge that is murmured around the lowly grave
oh, hard times come again no more

’tis a song…a sigh of the weary
hard times… hard times come again no more
many days you have lingered around my cabin door
oh, hard times come again no more
oh, hard times come again no more

Cosmic Love, Florence and the Machine. This song is just so beautiful and heartbreaking to me. It makes me think of my Mum, as I listened to it a lot around her death. It also makes me think of Pat and I, and how he has gone right down into the darkness with me to get me through all of the crap that this past year has dumped on us.

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then, it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from my eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart 

And for the next meme, the Tuesday Daybook:

A peek at the past week (how I’ve been): No more window for me! Let’s talk about the week past, shall we? I’ve been up and down, and lately, more so down. I’m trying to live my life according to my word, Acceptance, but it’s been very hard the last week.

I am thinking… about my plans, my friends and my family. I can’t wait for this estate stuff to be over so that we can move on. Also, I need spring. Now. I need the sun and the warmth. I need that comfort.

I am thankful for… Good friends and my husband. They have been able to calm me down, comfort me, make me laugh and get me back on track. This week, I’ve been especially thankful for my sister in law, Stacie. She and I have spent a lot of time together and she’s been a god send in helping me deal with everything that’s been going on.

From the kitchen… I haven’t been up to much in the kitchen lately, which is perhaps a sign that things haven’t been good. I did do some cooking with my SIL over the weekend which turned out great. We made a veggie casserole and some tasty pasta for the husband (Super easy stuff! Rotini whole wheat pasta, in a pre-made sundried tomato alfredo sauce, with chicken and thick cut bacon).

The neat thing I tried in the kitchen this week were chia seeds! I call them “Goo Seeds”, and am looking forward to including them in my diet. They have incredible health benefits and can easily be included in your day. (high in protein and omega 3s, has calcium, iron, fiber, antioxidants) The SIL showed me how they absorb water. It’s the coolest thing! One tsp in a cup of water and they just go to town! They absorb a ton of the water and form a gelatin like goo around themselves. More information on these seeds can be found here.

I am wearing… Nothing fancy today, but I recently picked up some great new clothes when I went shopping last week. Looking forward to more of a warm weather wardrobe.

I am creating… Nothing :(

I am going… no where, right now.

I am reading… A Fistful of Charms (some urban fantasy fluff, that I’m enjoying) and The Very Best of Charles de Lint.

I am hoping… that I have a good time tomorrow with my friend/ex.

I am hearing… A whole lot of BS. Yay for dramas!

Around the house…I’ve been trying to stay on top of cleaning, but it’s been an up-hill battle. I was away, then sick. Then Pat was sick. Now, we’re both too busy and tired to care.

One of my favorite things… Shopping with my SIL. Today we’re going to a little shop in one of my favourite parts of town. The shop is amazing and it’s been years since I’ve had the time to pop by. Can’t wait!

A few plans for the rest of the week: Wrapping up some estate business, shopping with the SIL, hanging out with my friend/ex, a bridal shower for a good friend, a trip to the spa for pedis with one of my beegirls, and a 30th birthday party for my cousin-in-law.

Here is picture for thought I am sharing…


I’m going to add this here, because it needs to be shared and this post is as good as any. I absolutely fucking love The Bloggess, and this just makes me adore her more.

Daily Life

Day 2

day 02 – your least favorite song

There are many songs that put me into a rage, or that piss me off. Here is one of them:

Soulja Boy – Crank That.

Not only is it terrible and offensive, but it has a dance. DIAF.

Daily Life

Music Meme

It has been a hard weekend. It’s been a hard weekend for a whole variety of reasons that I don’t want to get into right now. I’m working on the estate accounts. Rather, I’m sitting at my computer with Quicken open, supposed to be working on estate accounts. Instead, I’ve decided to do a bit of procrastination by being a joiner. What have a joined? Well, I’m a bit late to the party, but that’s typical of me. Can’t be too trendy you know.

I’ve decided to participate in the Song Meme that’s going around. I love music. I love sharing music. Why not share the music that’s important to me in one way or another? So, without further delay, here it begins. Day 1.

Day 1 – Your Favorite Song

Of course, they start it off with one of the hardest. I don’t have a singular favourite song. I don’t. I can’t. I have many songs that I love, so here’s a tasting:

Daily Life

Happy Birthday, Mum.

Today would have been my mother’s birthday. I went through journals last night,  trying to figure out what was going on this time last year. I didn’t remember that we went to The Turkish Village with everyone. I didn’t remember that we were getting the house painted and that I was supposed to move in a couple of days later. All I really remembered was that Mum was starting to slow down, but that we still had a great time together, and that I was excited about living with her again.

Mum and Me in Cuba, 2009

In her honour, as a birthday gift to her, I made a donation to the Canadian Cancer Society. If you are like me, so many of you are, and have lost someone to Cancer, I hope that today you find a moment of peace. A moment of solace from the pain and the loss. I hope that someone in your life makes you smile, gives you a hug and shows you that you will get through this.

It’s been a year, and there are still really hard days. It’s been a year, and the estate is still a mess and my family has been completely changed. But it has been a year. I go through most days without tears now. I remember Mum with smiles and laughter, mostly. I fill myself with her strength and single-minded determination when facing my hardships. I remind myself that all she wanted for her daughters is for us to be happy and healthy. I remind myself of that, especially today, and thing of ways to honour her in that.

I’m thinking about taking some yoga classes. Maybe getting back into art. I’ve spent so much of this year toiling and fighting against a current of hatred, pain and unkindness. I need to take some time and take care of me. I have gained about 40 lbs since my father died and I feel every one of those pounds.  I’m not saying that I want to be thin and hot. What I want is to be healthy. To feel right in my body, rather than this persistent sickness that sits inside.

Yesterday, Kaitlin posted a link on Twitter to The Fly Lady. It really made me think about dealing with the house in small ways. Reclaiming it from the clutter and disorder of the past year. I can’t believe that a year ago, we were almost ready to sell.

Thursday, my sisters-in-law and I are going to do some shopping. A great little shop in town is having a end-of-season sale and we want to try and snag some cute clothes and jewelry for spring. I am really REALLY looking forward to some girl time, and some mindless fun. In less than a week, my dear friend (who happens to be one of The Exes) is coming to town for work and we’re planning on hanging out. Also, on the 2nd, Sarah and I have plans to get together and get pedicures together at the same spa that we went to before my wedding before heading out to our mutual friends’ Bridal Shower. After the shower, Pat’s cousin is in town for her 30th birthday and so we’re all getting together.  I need this. I need good, kind people in my life right now. I need to feel like the world can be good and sweet again. Michelle, of New Orleans, gave me hope. I need to see more of this more regularly.

I don’t want to sit at home, playing video games, watching TV and doing nothing anymore. I want to experience something again. I need to wake up.

Anyway, it’s a hard day, but I’m trying to find the positive in it. Mum was an amazing woman who changed so many lives. We were blessed to have her as long as we did. Not sure what I’m going to do with myself later. Maybe some cleaning, maybe some drawing or something. We’ll see.

Take some time today to tell those you love how important they are to you. Give your parents and siblings a big hug. Support someone who is supporting another. Give the love of your life a big kiss. Enjoy what you have.


Daily Life

The Epic Big Easy Post

Hi everyone! Sorry for the long hiatus. It’s been a very busy and interesting couple of weeks.

Monday the 7th, I found myself feeling awful at work. My colleagues rallied and got me some Cold FX and sent me home early so that I could rest up before my trip. Tuesday, I was in the middle of a full blown cold (or so I thought). I tried everything. Oil of Oregano, rest, chicken soup, vitamin D and C, Cold FX, every cold med out there, a neti pot, hot showers, etc..etc… Nothing worked, and only the Oil of Oregano and the neti pot made a difference in how I was feeling.

Wednesday, I was still feeling like crap, but was resolved to make it to New Orleans. Pat got me to the airport and I learned that my flight was delayed, so I wouldn’t make any of my connections. Sigh. You see, I’m cursed. Unless I travel with my husband (and even then), something awful happens.

Let me break it down:

Family trip to Florida in elementary school: Water heater on the pool at the house we rented EXPLODED, causing a small fire. We were able to stay there, but the pool was out of commission. Transmission on our family van died on the 3 day drive home.  Unseasonably cold weather, keeping us in sweaters and jackets the entire time.

Scuba Diving Trip to St. Kitts in highschool (won through Much Music): Sinus infection, my BFF ended up being terrified of water, boyfriend (the husband, many years ago) was angry I didn’t take him. Mangled my feet with crazy cuts and blisters two days before leaving, missed a flight on the way home. Wasn’t speaking to friend by the end of the trip. Terrible scuba diving conditions.

Family trip to Mexico in University: Strep throat and sinus infection, super busy with classes, studied and slept the entire trip.

Road trip to Halifax with friends: Major drama, ran out of gas on the way home.

Family Wedding Trip to Cuba (with Husband): A week before the trip there was a tragic accident resulting in me breaking my hand in two places. IBS attack while I was there. Family drama.

Family trip to Cuba (with husband): Resort ended up being meh, food poisoning, ended up babysitting an elderly family friend, family drama.

So, yeah, not a great travel record. Amazingly, I never let it get me down and still absolutely love travelling. The only exceptions to the curse have been Trips to visit my grandmother before she died in Regina and my honeymoon.

So, back to Wednesday.

Day 1: I pouted and looked pathetic, so I was snuck on a direct flight to Washington (instead of going through Montreal), so I made it in without an issue. Yay! Upon my arrival, my friend Isaac informed me that he had cancelled our hostel, because of the super sketchy neighbourhood. Instead, we stayed at Bourbon House in the Garden District. It was my first hostel experience, and I was terrified. I had no planned on sharing a room with strangers, and coming in late at night didn’t make things any easier. I didn’t sleep at all, felt awful and was sure I was going to be robbed.

Basically, I was a princess. Everything was fine, the hostel was clean, the owners lovely, my roommates were great and I wish we had stayed.

Me, sick and waiting at the airport.

Day 2: Due to not sleeping, I got up obscenely early, had a shower, got myself ready and then went outside to sit in the common patio area to read. I stayed there for a few hours til Breakfast was available and then got myself a coffee. Isaac joined me shortly thereafter. We packed up our stuff and wandered the garden district a bit. Afterwards, we had lunch at a great little restaurant called   “Mayas”. I was still feeling quite sick, so I only had a salad (which was AMAZING). We grabbed our things from the hostel and then made our way to our next destination, The Cotton Exchange Hotel, which was incredibly swanky and lovely. We dropped off our bags, as we were a bit early for our check in, and did a nice long walk of the French Quarter.

A beautiful home we passed on our walk
Remenants of Mardi Gras

After the walk, we went back to the hotel to rest before dinner and a Haunted Walk Tour. The tour was really interesting and I got some really neat Orb pictures of a couple of the haunted spots. What are orb pictures?  The idea is that spirits can be captured on film in the shape of orbs. Some cases, it’s just dust orbs, but I’m fairly certain that my shots were real. There was no reflective surfaces, no dust, and no other explanation. Neat!  The one spot that I got the most orbs? Definitely The Lalaurie House.

A nice clear Orb!
The Lalaurie House. Three orbs in this one

After the tour we went to  Frenchmen St. in search of drinks and music! We ended up at The Spotted Cat and caught a few songs by a group called (I think)  New Orleans Moonshiners. They were AMAZING and we had a great time, despite the fact that I felt awful and wanted to collapse where I stood. I think the Vodka Crans I was drinking were antibacterial or something. Maybe. I have a quick clip of their performance that I’ll try to remember to add later.

The Moonshiners at The Spotted Cat
Isaac and I at The Spotted Cat. It's not just the picture that's fuzzy, it was me too. Yay sinus infections.

Day 3: Didn’t sleep at all. Again. Finally got up at 8 or so to a text message from my friend Sarah, asking me if I had heard anything about a guy we went to college with. I asked her why, and that’s how I found out about the Tsunami and earthquake in Japan. (The guy, Dan, is fine btw.) Spent most of the morning following the news until Isaac got up. Once ready and packed, we had an ok lunch at Huck Finn’s and then hung out at the River front for a while.  We then went back to the Garden District for our walking tour of the area.

My first Po-Boy
The River Front

We stopped at an amazing little café called  “Still Perkin” where I had the BEST iced chai latte I’ve ever had in my life. I miss it. I want one right now. SO GOOD.  The tour was AMAZING. Our guide, John, was perfect and I feel like I learned SO MUCH. Here’s a few pictures from the tour:

Isaac at Lafayette Cemetery
A beautiful home in the Garden District that just happens to be owned by Sandra Bullock
A pretty typical NO Garden District house. LOVE the iron work.

After our tour, we went to Cheesecake for dinner/lunch/snack. I had the most incredible crab cakes, and prayed for my cold to go away. I was feeling run down, exhausted and so sick.

After all of that, we picked up our bags and made our way to our next destination, The Marquette House hostel.  I was not impressed. This is not the place for those seeking anything above a bed to sleep in. Seeing as how that’s all I really needed, I went with it. At this point, I was pretty certain my cold was actually a sinus infection. Sigh. Completely run down and done, we stayed in and just rested. I met a lovely girl from Denmark by the name of Phillipa (she was one of my 8 roommates). She and I chatted a bit and then I went to bed, in my clothes, at 9pm. I am still afeared of potential bed bugs, but Pat promises me he doesn’t think I brought anything home.

Day 4: I SLEPT. Thank the gods, I finally slept. Exhaustion and Nyquil saved the day. We checked out of the hostel and then went back to Still Perkin. We were both stressed, as everywhere seemed to be booked. We had no idea where we were going to be able to stay the night. At the café, I met a wonderful lady by the name of Rose (she served me). She and I chatted for a bit while she made my Chicory Latte (which I really enjoyed, btw). Once she found out that we didn’t have room plans for that night, she called her girlfriend, Michelle, who offered us a place to stay for the night! We exchanged numbers, and then Isaac and I were off to catch the St. Patrick’s Day parade. It was a mini Mardi Gras for me, and despite feeling like death, I had a good time and collected some beads without having to flash the girls.

Our breakfast at Still Perkin'
St. Patty's Day Parade
Isaac and I collecting beads

I was completely fascinated with this parade. Apparently it’s tradition to throw Cabbage, Potatoes and Carrots, as well as the beads and knickknacks. I’m talking whole freakin’ heads of cabbage! It was a bit scary at times, but hilarious.

After the parade, we walked down to  Juan’s Flying Burrito for an amazing lunch of burritos. We then walked the city for hours. We spent some time in our favourite hang out, the park near Jackson st. After some rest, we went to get our luggage from the Hostel and then went to meet the lovely Michelle!

The park near Jackson St.

Michelle’s apartment is right in the heart of the French Quarter and was absolutely lovely. It was such a home-away-from-home. We bonded immediately over a love of Roller Derby (she’s in the league there, so awesome!) and our furbabies (her two cats, Sam and Homer, were extremely welcoming). She was also sick, so we shared cold meds and talked for a while before she left for dinner with friends. I had the best shower of my life. Right when we were about to head out, Michelle and Rose came in and told us that Rose had been attacked on her way over! I couldn’t imagine anyone who would want to hurt such an amazing woman, but I suppose hate crimes have absolutely no sense or rational behind them. Isaac and I went out to dinner, but I was so sick that I couldn’t eat much at all. Arriving back at Michelle’s apartment, I was just done. I sent Isaac out to have a good time on his own, did some reading and then crashed. Unfortunately, not even Nyquil could help and I was up all night absolutely miserable.

Day 5. Several showers in the morning to clear our my sinuses, I called Pat and nearly cried. I was so tired, so sick and so ready to come home. I read for a while, bummed around online until Isaac got up. I then took a short nap, had another shower, and off we went to lunch. I realized then that my camera was broken. It wouldn’t stay on for more than a second or two. Sigh. It was nearly impossible to find a place on Sunday that was open and didn’t have a line out into the street. We finally settled on a place near Café du monde and tried Alligator for the first time (actually really tasty! I’d have it again). Still no appetite. We then went to the Voodoo Museum, which was really interesting but underwhelming.

We went back to the apartment, packed up and then went to Pink Berry for a treat. Dear Canada, please bring us Pink Berry. The US has to share. This is too good for me not to have it again.

There, a girl behind me told me I had the most beautiful eyes she’s ever seen. I needed that little bit of love, and it made my day. After Pink Berry, we went to our last destination, the Pelham hotel. We rested there a bit and then went out to see Michelle at the bar she works at. We had a drink and chatted a while before handing her back her keys and thanking her for her amazing generosity. After drinks, we went to http://www.snugjazz.com/site/ Snug Harbor hoping for Jazz and food. Unfortunately there was no band, but I did have THE BEST baked potato of my life. It was mind-shatteringly good. I can’t even explain. Awesome.

Snug Harbour's floating chair art
The baked potato of the gods

We then returned to the hotel, hung out a bit and then crashed for the night.

Day 6. I slept! YAY! We packed up, checked out and walked down to the bus stop for the airport. Arriving at the airport later than expected, Isaac had to run to catch his flight so I went to the airport café and had some beignets and a café au lait finally. SO GOOD. After eating, I checked in and hung out at my gate for a bit, only to hear that my flight to Houston has been delayed an hour due to a storm. Ruh-oh. You see, I had very tight connections, all within an hour of landing.  The fine gentleman at the gate assured me I’d be fine, so I kept to the plan.

Everything went great for my other connections until I arrived in Chicago, having missed my flight by about 15 minutes. Luckily, there was another flight to Ottawa an hour and a half later. I grabbed some food that I didn’t really eat (still no appetite) and hunkered down at the gate with some Angry Birds for the next while, after being assured that my baggage would be rerouted with no issues.

Caught my flight, and arrived in Ottawa later than anticipated. I discovered shortly thereafter that my bags didn’t make it with me. Sigh. So, I filed a complaint and Pat took me home. Three days later, my bags arrived.

It was an exciting trip, and I totally fell in love with the city, but I wish I had been healthy for it. One day, I’d like to go back.

Since being back, there’s been some estate stuff to take care of , a visit to the doctor’s office (Turns out I had a sinus infection that spread to my ears, woo!), a trip to the pharmacy and lots of Dragon Age 2. I’ll update on regular life stuff tomorrow or the next day. <3