It’s been a year

Today marks a year since my mother passed away.

I can’t believe it’s been a year. There are some days that it feels like a lifetime away, and other days that it feels like it was yesterday. Some days, even, where it feels like it never happened at all, and I’m just waiting for her phone call.

Today, Pat went to get his hair cut. I was sitting in the waiting area of the cheapy salon place when an older woman walked in. She was almost identical to Mum. My mother had the same hair cut, same hair colour, same shoes, same clothes, same face shape, same body build, everything. The only difference was she was maybe 3 inches shorter, and her skin was lighter. She never said a word to anyone. She sat down, got her hair done and then, after some puttering around, left. I have no idea who she was, or what her life has been. What I feel, is that she was a gift to me today. Something to make me think of my mum, remember her in incredible detail, stand directly beside someone who could have been her twin. I couldn’t help myself. I starred at her intently, as she paid for her trim. I starred at her shoes, her turtle neck, her hair. I watched her and remembered my Mum. She came over to me, as I was sitting by the window and the coat rack, and for some reason, she simply stood there. Directly in front of me. She didn’t look at me, or really acknowledge me. She just walked right over, stood less than two feet from me, and stood there, staring out the window for maybe 5 minutes.

Thank you Mum, for the message. I know you’re at peace now. You’re not hurting anymore. You’re not scared anymore.

There was an add campaign recently, at least that’s where I think I saw it, that said “When I’m hanging out with my Mum, I’m the most me”. It struck me, straight to my soul. I was absolutely 100% myself with my Mum. I was never ashamed of who I was, how I felt, what I thought or what I’ve done. She accepted and loved me without conditions and without holding back. I lost my best friend, a year ago. I think of her every single day, and miss her with all of my heart. I am so very blessed to have had her in my life.

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