A responsible Heather would have her bags packed and waiting by the door. A Heather with amazing time management skills would have a clean kitchen and a home made lunch waiting for me in a couple of hours.

This Heather got home yesterday and promptly fell asleep on the couch. In my work clothes. You may not understand why this is strange, but let me assure you, it is. I’m not a napper, at all. It makes me queasy and messes up my very delicate sleep schedule. Also, it’s my usual routine to get the hell out of my work clothes as soon as I walk in the front door. Instead, I fell asleep and eventually got up to our dog jumping around in anticipation of her evening walk (80lbs of excited jumping is actually a lot more like stomping, especially considering the proximity to my face). I got up, had a bowl of cereal, a mug of tea and somehow managed to stay conscious until about 10pm when I passed out (in bed this time) again.

Every now and then, my body announces that it has had enough of my stress and busy schedule, of my poor diet and my lack of exercise. I’ll admit, it’s been a bit rough having to work on the estate most evenings, the many trips across town to check on the house, while working during the day, keeping the house “clean”, trying to maintain my relationship with my husband and my friends, the weddings, babies and showers. Some days, I’m just so very done that I can’t use any more energy than that needed to watch an episode of Bones (last night, btw, was amazing with the exception of Michaela Conlin. Not sure what’s going on with this actress or if its just the character, but I’m really disliking how her character has progressed into this condescending unfeeling bitch. Seriously, not even a single tear last night? Really? BONES cried, and you didn’t even whimper?)

Today, I started reading my blogs after getting myself a cup of foul smelling coffee. I came across The Harlot’s recent post and was struck by the following:

I realized that this is what I want to tell her- or anyone else who says “I don’t know how you do it all.”

I DON’T.

I can’t express that enough.  I don’t think I could do it all. The only reason that I’m able to make any of this work is because I’ve got priorities and low standards and no expectation of doing it all. There are a million things I don’t do.

I just don’t see any way that anybody could ever really do it all- especially if it’s all their problem. We’re all going to prioritize stuff differently, and maybe knitting appears lower on your list and the condition of the kitchen way higher, in which case my darlings… you should let go of what suits you.   I could have a clean house and finished laundry and toilet paper and matching towels all the time, but I think that to do that, I’d have to give up some knitting, or writing or being with my family the way I want to, and there’s no way that you’re ever going to tell me that I am ever, ever going to look back on this time and think that the time I spent talking with my kids, knitting beautiful things, writing books or earning a living was wasted, and that I could have been way, way more fulfilled by a shiny sink, a more intimate relationship with my vacuum,  or knowing where my damn bra is. There are only so many hours in a day, there are only so many things one woman can be responsible for, and I have to make choices, just like everyone else, and I don’t know how I would juggle it all and I don’t know how all this looks through the lens of the blog, but really,  no…

I don’t do it all.

Guys, I can’t even explain how much I needed to read that. I hold myself at this impossible standard most days and am so disappointed with myself when things don’t get done. I have friends and family that put so much pressure on themselves to be “perfect” and to have “perfect” homes, and I find it so stressful and exhausting to try to meet these imaginary standards that are out there when they come over. Sure, I like a tidy-ish house, but I don’t need every piece of furniture gleaming and every surface clear of clutter. I just don’t and I’m just so damn tired all the time that it’s nice to finally read something that shows me that I’m not alone.

Thanks Harlot, I needed that.

The plan is to do a bit of tidying tonight, finish up laundry and get some groceries so that the husband doesn’t survive solely on popcorn and cereal while I’m gone, and then tomorrow I’ll finish up (ie: Start) my packing and then I’m off! No stress, no anxiety. Get it done at my pace.

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