The Darkness before the Dawn

It’s been a strange weekend. Last week, on Tuesday, I met with the estate lawyer to discuss the final things that need to be done before we can finally move on from this. One of the massive pieces left is the final accounts for the estate. This task has been given to me, as I’ve been the keeper of the accounts all along. I had spent many hours putting something together and was feeling pretty confident in it when I arrived at the lawyer’s office after work that evening. I had no idea how far off I was. It’s sort of like thinking you will nail an exam and are totally when you walk into the room, and then once you see the exam, you see how screwed you really are.

What I had put together was sort of like an essay outline. It didn’t have nearly the amount of detail that was required of me. So, I was broken down and provided with lots of good tips on how to make it what it needs to be. I took that home and sort of poked at it a few times during the week. On Thursday, the Lawyer called and informed me that we needed this task mostly done for this coming week. Nothing like a deadline to get me going.

So, like tackling an essay for my very tough University program, I started with a plan. First, I would clean and reorganize the office (Always need a tidy place to work, otherwise I can’t focus.), then, I would go through everything I had from the estate. And I mean EVERYTHING. Photos, boxes of random crap, all the way up to the filing cabinet in my office. Why? Just to be sure I wasn’t missing anything. Then, once everything was tidy and organized, I would start. Good plan, right?

Me, in my final year of University, watching a lecture and working on essays. Super organized...right? Right.

Well, last week was rough. The lawyer’s appointment forced me to look at the whole estate business again. I had to go back and look at things that occurred the day Mum died, and onward. Then I got together with one of my oldest friends, Tyler. Tyler and I have known of each other since Grade 2 (we were in class together), but we weren’t actually in the same social group until Grade 9 (when I first crushed on him. He took me to the Grade 9 formal, as a favour to a friend), which brings up all sorts of nostalgia and thinking about our old group of friends and where we all ended up.

Tyler and I, a few years ago

Work continued to be difficult, and I was suddenly hit by major holiday blues. By the time Friday rolled around, I was emotionally spent. So, I took the day to clean our main floor and relax a bit. By Saturday, it was time to tackle the office, and get to work on the hard stuff. By the time I was done with the initial draft, I stared exhausted at the time – 1:30am.

Today I emailed the draft to the lawyer, with a ton of notes and a massive list of homework for myself left to do. I have to call a couple banks, wait for a response from an Investment group and hope that in the mean time, more drama doesn’t explode. I still have to figure out how to buy a week’s worth of groceries in between paycheques (after bills, meaning limited to non-existant funds), and get some baking done for a charity bake sale my husband is participating in.  I don’t feel like I’ve had a weekend at all. I’m so…spent. I just have to keep focusing on the positives:

  • The estate is almost done. The harder I work now, the sooner and the better the end will be
  • Once the estate is done, that drama is out of my life for good
  • In January we can wipe out the majority of our debt and start renovating our home

We will get there. I just need to fight through this last final stretch. The hardest stretch. The most thankless. I can do it.

4 thoughts on “The Darkness before the Dawn

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