Everyone processes grief differently. Loss is a fluid changing thing. I remember being surprised at how I reacted to my parents deaths. I always had pictured hysterics, fainting, sobbing. The reality of it was much quieter, and yet, again, both losses were felt differently.
Friday I was surprised to see a face I knew and recognized in a news story. A girl that I had known from dance was missing and had been missing since Wednesday evening. Since then, I have been obsessively following every detail on facebook and in the news. Yesterday we found out that she had been murdered. She and I had not been close. We haven’t seen each other in years and barely talked online. This past week I was thinking about contacting her because she recently got a new tattoo at my fave tattoo shop. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel or react. People tell me they are sorry for my loss, but I am not suffering. Am i? I don’t think I am. Send your thoughts instead to her loved ones. I feel so badly for her husband, family and close friends. i have found myself getting angry at speculation that one of them could be involved. I keep thinking about details that I have read.
So, I am snuggling my boy a little closer. I called my sister. I am spending time with loved ones. I’m working on Liam’s baby album.
Rest in peace, dear lady. May the fucker that hurt you be caught quickly.