Today is my birthday. I am 31, and I think this marks the end of the first year where I felt like an Adult. 30 had it’s challenges. There were many ups and downs, a fair number of struggles. I felt my priorities shift and my motivations were very different. It also marks the year that I came out of my PPD fog and started feeling like a person again.
I’m not saying that I’m “Better”. I don’t know if that’s a word that will ever apply to me or my situation. If anything, I think I have learned this year that we all have our own ability to cope. Our own threshold of pain. I know that there are people out there who are living through situations that I couldn’t even fathom and they are doing ok. There are also people who have what could be considered “Normal” lives who suffer every minute of every day. We are all fighting our own battles, and that’s ok. At this moment, on this day, I’m ok.
I know that lately I’ve been worrying some of you, as well as some of my friends. I find that when I open the doors to how I’m feeling I tend to concern people. It doesn’t help that the last few months have been especially trying (spring time always is for me). I do want to take the time to firstly thank those of you who have approached me out of love and concern. It means a lot to me that you are thinking of me and want me to be happy. I do want you to know that I am doing ok. Yes, there are hard days. Who doesn’t have hard days? But over all, I am happy. I have a beautiful family, a fantastic home, a job that I adore, food in our cupboards and our bellies, and clothes on our backs. I also understand that it can be hard for someone to understand that I have a need to express myself (ah, the curse of being a Gemini), and yet, once the feelings are made words, I often feel incredible relief. I have been through so much in the last 15 years. What we are facing now is difficult, but it doesn’t even compare to my worst days. When things are bad, we have support. Thank you for all of your love and concern. I truly appreciate it.
Last week my friends stole me away and spoiled me silly with a girls night out. I drank a lot and laughed even more. I tried my first deep fried pickle. It was amazing. Today, my little posse of mums and kids went out to the children’s museum and had a blast while the kids ran circles around a big empty space (the actual children’s museum was PACKED, so we hung out near the bistro and relaxed). I got to wear Liam in the Tula, I was hug-tackled by the toddlers and I made one of the babies laugh. It was perfect. Tomorrow we are having a birthday dinner for me and then on Saturday, one of my favourite people are moving to this neck of the woods. It’s been a wonderful time.
I feel so much love around me. I have found the most amazing people and have created the most wonderful family. Happy Birthday to me. <3