Thinking

I am sitting in bed right now,  thinking. I feel like it is the day after a raging party and the hangover fog is starting to lift.

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I dropped the ball,  guys. I haven’t been taking very good care of myself. I got very overwhelmed at the beginning of Feel Great in 8 and decided “Fuck this! Fuck weight loss! Screw all this forced selfcare! ” and went to the other extreme – self-neglect under the guise of self-indulgence. I have gained almost 10lbs since then and,  even more awful,  I have been neglecting my spirit. I got distracted and stopped looking in.

Tonight,  while Pat was at class doing an exam and while Liam slept,  I thought about what I want. It has been a while since I gave myself the freedom and the love to thing about myself and my wants. This is what I have come up with so far:

. When my kids are in school,  I want a career that I feel good about
-flexible hours
-passionate work
-no office

Post partum doula,  babywearing advisor and breastfeeding counsellor?

. I need to market the skills I have now. Who knows who may want to hire me for what I can give them now

Create a personal page to market my tarot reading,  cleansings and baby wearing skills.

. I need to be creative and crafty

Reclaim my craft room. Start sewing again. Maybe sell some stuff? Look into getting and learning to use a serger. Start allowing myself to think and work through personal thought without guilt,  fear and self-loathing.

. Take better care of my body.

Focus on eating better,  removing the junk from the house,  maybe bring back our CSA order. Be more active. Concern myself less with the number on the scale. Recognize the beauty I do have,  at the size and in the shape that I am. Start wearing the fitbit again. Get my hair done. Enjoy a spa day. Get more sleep. Drink more water and less coffee.

. Simplify

Work on getting the house organized. Cut down on the crap that we have. No more shopping. Stick to budget.

Well,  that’s it for now. Clearly, that is a lot going on in my head right now. Thanks for letting me talk it through ;)  maybe now I can get some sleep.

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