So hard…

So, it’s probably pretty clear that I am pretty AP in my parenting style. My kid is 27 months old, and I still nurse, still toddler-wear, still co-sleep and still practice “wait it out”.

Well, I did. This week our sleep situation came to a head. Liam has been having a major sleep regression and I have been having a really hard time with it. I have been back to sleeping in his room, nursing 3+ times a nights, spending hours getting him settled, feeling abandoned to my parenting decisions. Last night, after hours of struggling with him, Pat took over and we made a change. We are night weaning and Pat is taking over nights with a Nanny 911ish technique (staying close by, reminding Liam we love him, putting him back to bed until he finally stays, sitting either in a chair in the room or in the hall outside the room)

As you can imagine, Liam is not pleased. He has some pretty big feelings, and I get that. My mama bear is FREAKING OUT hearing him cry and yell. I know this all seems ridiculous to many of you. I know people who sleep train their newborns. That’s your prerogative. I didn’t want to and I still don’t. I know this is what we need right now, but Gods it hurts. It feels like Crying it Out. It isn’t, I know that….but I hurt so much hearing him cry. Ugh. On top of that, I am hurting for the end of an era. My boobies will no longer put this kid to sleep, at least not at night. What we have been doing, is no longer what we will be doing. My little boy isn’t a baby anymore. Soon, we will be able to tuck him into bed, say goodnight and leaving him to fall asleep on his own. Soon, I will be sleeping the whole night, in my own bed.

They grow up too quickly. Way too quickly.

So many sleeps, cuddled up to this boy

So many sleeps, cuddled up to this boy

One thought on “So hard…

  1. Oh, sweetie. I so felt you on this one. We bedshare, and it is becoming increasingly difficult, but it’s what we’ve always done and I really don’t want it any other way yet. My oldest was content to move into her own bed at 4, and I think Leelu will probably be the same if we introduce it as her choice. Also, you think 27 months is something… I just weaned for good last week, the night before Leelu’s 3rd birthday, and honestly, were we not expecting another one in December I probably wouldn’t have weaned her this early because she simply wasn’t ready. Parenting is not easy. It’s a day by day journey where each decision you make sometimes happens spontaneously. What turns out to be best for you and baby is often not what you originally thought it would be. Know that you are doing the best you can, and that is all you can do. SO much mama love to you and that sweet babe!

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