Taking Steps

It’s been a hard week. The news is heart breaking, with no end in sight. Police states in small town USA, Gaza, Robin Williams (a man who reminded me so much of my father and my half brother, who was a major part of my childhood. His movies were celebrated in our home.), ebola, you name it. Liam has been sick on and off as well, and I weighed in at my heaviest weight thus far in my life, excluding when I was 9 months pregnant. I have decided to do something about this heaviness in my heart (and on my bones), by focusing on the good in my life, trying to stay productive in prepping our home for sale and by attempting to make small changes to be healthy again.

I am back to calorie counting (I’m on myfitnesspal here for those who want to add me) and I am back to wearing my fitbit. Small changes, but every little bit helps, right? I’ve been able to keep a pretty positive outlook, so it seems to be working, at least a bit.

Today, Liam demanded a walk so off we went to explore the neighbourhood. The trees are starting to change colour, drop seeds and acorns, and the wind was blowing it all around us. We talked about the seasons, about the life of a tree and how the wind helps. We ran, laughs and played. The walk around the neighbourhood took us two hours as we explored. A few minutes in to our adventure, we found ourselves walking down a busy residential street towards one of the two main roads in our suburb. We were walking when a dudebro driving a minivan stopped at a stop sign across the street and decided to take the opportunity to fat shame me. He cackled and yelled as he drove away.

I stood there stunned, and poor Liam was so confused. I thought about what I should do in that moment. I looked down at myself. I was wearing my favourite pair of skinny jeans and an oversized cute sweater. I wasn’t wearing any makeup and my crazy hair was hidden away until my hat. I felt cute, damn it. My son, watching me, needed to hear something from me about what just happened. So, we kept walking while I talked to him about beauty, bullying and how what just happened said a lot more about the young man driving the van than it did about us. Liam is 2, so I don’t know how much of this he really got, but he seemed content with what I had said and kept on his way until we found a fat little caterpillar trying to cross the sidewalk, and then that took all of his attention.

I’m more ok than I thought I would be. There is a lot swirling around my head right now, but I think I’m in a good headspace. I’m not even upset. If anything, I’m sad that this sort of this seems to keep happening the second we leave our cozy little street. It seems like another push for us to get out of this part of town.

When Liam and I finally made it back home, we looked at our bounty of leaves, seeds, acorns, branches and even a birds nest. We touched them and talked and eventually went inside for lunch. It was a good day for learning, with unexpected lessons.

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