It’s crazy to think it’s been 6 months since I last posted. I guess I just didn’t feel like I could post without talking more about what’s been going on and I just wasn’t prepared to do that yet.
Honestly, not much has changed since my last post. The divorce is a slow and painful process. We are no where near done yet. I’m still in the house with my ex, the boys, and my ex’s girlfriend. I don’t recommend this arrangement, but it has been what’s best due to our financial situation. I’ve learned a lot about myself during this year and one of those things is that I don’t respect or enforce my own boundaries, which is something I’m working on. I’ve done some counselling which is helping me to see that I have work to do and why it’s important.
As you can imagine, this hasn’t been a great year for my mental health. Despite being medicated for the last 5 years or so, I have been struggling. There have been some dangerous lows. Again, counselling has helped and the medication has truly been a life saver, but it is still a daily struggle.
Depression is a sneaky lying bastard. One of its many tricks is making you so tired and blah that you lose passion and interest in the things you once loved. I haven’t been bullet journaling, I haven’t been playing with makeup…hell, I haven’t been doing much of anything. I’m really working hard to change this, but it’s a process.
The boys are doing ok, considering everything. They are now aware of our split and are handling it surprisingly well. Mason is 3 and talking up a storm. He’s in Tiny Tigers karate and is obsessed with paw patrol and pj masks. Liam is 7 and loves Steven Universe and youtube, as well as karate.
Looking back at last June, I was living a whole different life. I knew things weren’t ok, but I was too afraid to confront it. I lived in ignorance, by choice. I was hurting, sad and scared. Now I can at least say that I am no longer choosing to live in the dark. My life, from here on out, will exist in the open. I no longer choose to fool myself. Things are hard, but they are honest. They are real. That, in and of itself, is so incredibly freeing.
I am dating and meeting new people. I have a really great set of friends, with the same core of besties (my sister, as well as my sisters from other misters, Sarah and Leigh), and I’ve been forcing myself to get out and do things on my own and really push past my anxiety and comfort zone.
I no longer get Boxycharm or Fab Fit Fun, so I don’t have much regular makeup content to share. Being in the middle of this divorce is expensive and I’m still at home with Mason, so funds are beyond limited. Maybe once I’m settled into a new life and career I’ll come back to it.
For those of you that have stuck around, thank you. I do plan on posting more, sharing tidbits of my life as a single mom, a woman dating in her late 30s, and as someone healing from emotional trauma and divorce.