Beauty and Body, Daily Life, Uncategorized

2019

The new year. A new beginning, full of opportunities.

2018 was intense. So much so in fact that some of it is a blur to me. It was one of the hardest years of my life. I have thought about making a post a thousand times and even now that I’m here, typing, I have no idea what to say or how to start.

At the end of the summer, my marriage ended. It was such a monumental thing that it is still on going. I’m still in the depths of it. I’m not going to discuss the hows and the whys right now, or maybe even ever, but it has shaken me to my very core and I have been trying to put one foot in front of the other ever since. The kids don’t know, and won’t until things are sorted and basically done, which makes it even harder. We are cohabitating by necessity, which as you can imagine, is not an easy thing.

Through all of this, I saw many people leave my life. It’s strange how some friendships can’t survive hardships. On the other hand, I’ve also had some relationships strengthen and become a lifeline for me. I’ve had some friendships renew and become even stronger than ever before. The people who love me and support me through this are truly lifesavers and family to me.

I have also been given some amazing opportunities. I was in a commercial for a skincare line I truly love and support. While I struggle with some self-love and body acceptance, I have had trouble celebrating how I look in it, but have decided to share it anyway because I am proud.

Heather sits in a chair in front of a fire place, wearing a dark plum shirt, hair half up and wearing neutral makeup.
Heather sits in a chair against a white backdrop. She is wearing a plum shirt and neutral makeup with her hair half up and long bangs framing her face.

I had a friend who didn’t know about the campaign DM me on instagram asking if I had just been on a commercial on youtube. I think it was pretty surreal for both of us.

Another big thing that 2018 brought was my love for bullet journaling and drawing. I really have tried to use my bujo as a way to bring peace, gratitude, organization, and creativity into my life. If anyone is interested, I have lots of pages and spreads on my instagram. I would also be happy to write a post about BuJo and Art journaling if there is interest. I want to try to get back into reviewing makeup too but I am taking baby steps back into blogging. I hope you all understand.

So, now that you know where I’ve been, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for reading, for visiting my humble little home on the internet and for being patient with me while I try to find my way back to myself and through the journey of being a single mom.

Daily Life, Depression, family

Neglect

I’m so sorry, friends. I keep meaning to come back and write, share a review, anything, but the words just don’t come. At least they haven’t until now.

Things have been hard lately, folks. My depression is rearing it’s ugly head and is back in full force. At the moment, it’s not the heartbreaking constant sadness. Instead it’s the exhaustion, full body aches and pain, the lack of motivation to do anything at all and a total lack of fucks. For a bit there, I struggled to find the energy to dress myself, to shower and to brush my teeth.

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Part of it is the weather, and how difficult the holidays are when you have lost people. On top of that, there is our financial struggles and the stress of not being able to afford the holidays. I can’t really get into much more right now, but there are other things that have been hard for me and weighing on me.

Yesterday it occurred to me that I’ve been neglecting so much in my life. Yes, there are some crappy things going on, crappy things that have happened, but if I let myself fail and fall, what will they show my children? What will be left to care for them? So, I’m taking steps to get back on track. I’m walking as much as I can, at least 2km a day. I work out a couple days a week at home. I am trying to get back into bullet journalling and spending more quality time with my family. I’m making lists and getting back into work. It’s hard, but just like with my walks, the most important thing is to keep putting one foot in front of the other. To just keep going.

 

Daily Life, Depression, family

Autumn Life Update

It’s been a long time now since I’ve written a personal post. 2016 has been kicking our asses. Between that and having two crazy kids, I don’t have much time to give sitting down and writing about real life stuff, if that makes any sense. I’m actually fighting a nasty cold at the moment, which means that I have a bit of time to sit and just write.

Mason is 9 months old, almost 10 months. Liam has started school. How is this possible? Where has time gone? It’s been a pretty good transition, thankfully. Liam loves school and it’s been giving me a bit of a breather during an otherwise stressful time.

We have a lot of personal financial and family stuff going on that I don’t feel comfortable sharing here, but it’s been playing one hell of a toll on my anxiety and depression. Thankfully, my husband’s work has a great EAP program and I’ve been able to get some help. On top of that, I’ve started keeping a bullet journal. It has been amazing at keeping me calm, organized and a place to share what’s going on in my head in a pretty and creative way.bulletjournal

Bullet Journaling is kind of a checklist mixed with a day planner, mixed with a journal. It can be as simple or as involved as you want. It’s very very easy to personalize.

Beyond bullet journaling, I’ve continued to play with and test makeup and other products. I’m toying with the idea of making a youtube channel to compliment this blog, but I’m nervous about the amount of work it would take. I’ve started job hunting again, ideally looking for something either from home or close to home so that we can save on daycare costs by me being with Mason during the day.

So, I know this isn’t a really great update, but I wanted to let you guys know that I’m alive and ok, but not great. We are working on things to improve our situation, but nothing is coming very easily. Happy Fall everyone xo

Baby, Daily Life, family, Uncategorized

Mason – 7 Months Old

7months2

I don’t know why 30 days make such a difference, but the sudden realization that we have less than half a year left before this little one turns 1 is crazy to me.

It has been a very busy month for us. June is always kind of a crazy time with events (including big brother finishing up his first karate session and graduating from dufferdoo), birthdays (I turned 33, for instance!) and anniversaries (Ours! 6 years married now). Being out and about didn’t slow Mason down at all. He has been getting more and more vocal, more mobile and more himself. He is growing so freaking fast!

7months1

Where we are now:

  • Diaper Size: Pampers Size 4, cloth diapers in size 2
  • Clothing Size: Depending on the brand, between 9-18months.
  • Favourite Clothes: Clothes are a struggle with this guy. He is smaller than Liam was, and shaped very differently. He HATES getting dressed and especially hates things going over his head and overalls.
  • Nicknames: Mace and Macey, bubba, small fry, turd, petit frite
  • Loves: Rolling, cobra pose, avocados, yelling, banging, splashing, chewing, bouncing, standing, his family, water, Tinga Tinga Tales on Netflix, Cole (the cat), his bunny.
  • Hates: His carseat and the car, medicine,  getting dressed, sleeping.
  • Updates: His two middle bottom teeth finally broke through and now we are working on the uppers. He is  CRANKY teething bear these days. We have been fighting yeast rashes and have had to use disposables while the battle wages. He has started moving around on his own. He rolls around a room, does circles and scoots backwards. He also takes a few steps if we support him standing. He loves to sit up on his own, but has a bad tendency to throw himself over when he’s ready to do something else, resulting in many head bumps. He has been hating naps and sleep lately, which makes for a very tired mama.
  • He is still refusing the bottle, but has started eating food. His favourites at the moment are avocado and apple slices and peanut butter. He HATES baby cereals and purees with a passion (a puking passion). Peaches seem to cause him to break out in little bumps. He’s finally starting to get a bit better in the carseat, but still doesn’t love it. I still wear him all the time, especially for naps because nothing else works for me. Bath time is his favourite thing EVER.

Baby, Babywearing, Daily Life, Depression, family

Mason – 6 Months Old

mson6months

Half a year. Half a year since this little beastie joined our family and completed it. How is that possible? How has it already been so long? I’m sorry I haven’t really been doing these posts the last few months. Honestly, I’ve been struggling. Post Partum Anxiety has been kicking my butt, and was recently joined by Depression. Meds are being changed up and I’m looking into therapy, but it’s been a challenge. On top of that, there’s been a fair amount of drama and difficulties to deal with in the mean time. All that aside, we’re doing ok. I have great plans of doing some more reviews for you soon, and have even been thinking about starting to do some youtube videos!

Now, on to Mason.

Month 3: In his third Month, Mason met his fellow December baby friend, Phillip. One of my best friends, Crystal, has us over all the time and her sister is in my online December mom group. Our boys got to hang out. What else? Well, we tried Mason in the Jumperoo and he hated it. He also started popping his seat in the ring sling, which frustrated me to no end. He started to roll on to his side from his back. Mason also had his first Easter.

Month 4: Interacting with the world a lot more, loving toys, his playmat is his favourite thing. Holds his head up and tries to roll on to his belly. Begins teething haphazard, but hates teething toys. Tried the jolly jumper but doesn’t really get it. Totally in love with his brother, who turned 4 this month.

Month 5: plays peekaboo, starts giving aggressive kisses (grabs my face with his nails and open mouth kisses me). Chews on everything. Says mama when upset, and parrots “Hiiiiiiiiiiiii”, said Dada once. Rolled back to front and tries to crawl. Very frustrated he can’t move on his own. Takes a step or two if held up. Digging the circle of neglect and the jolly jumper now. We celebrated Mothers Day and went to the Agricultural Museum. Tried some fruit and veggies right before the 6 month mark. Had a very busy Victoria Day weekend with family and friends.

Where we are now:

  • Diaper Size: Pampers Size 4, cloth diapers in size 2
  • Clothing Size:Depending on the brand, between 6-12months.
  • Favourite Clothes: The cold weather had me loving one piece outfits for him. Now that things are heating up, I am LOVING cute shorts, rompers and onesies.
  • Nicknames: Mace and Macey, bubba, small fry, turd
  • Loves: Rolling, yelling, banging, splashing, chewing, bouncing, standing, his family, water, his bunny.
  • Hates: His carseat and the car, medicine, disposable diapers, getting dressed.
  • Updates: Still teething, no teeth yet. No soothers and no bottles yet. Sigh. Loves to mimic sounds he hears. We swear he can say mama, Dada and Hi. Doesn’t like the outdoors, but is getting better. Lots of wake ups at night again. He’s still in bed with me, which makes the lack of sleep survivable. Still gets worn daily. Loves to stand up (with support)

Baby, Daily Life, family

Liam: 4 Years Old

birthday4

Oh man, have I ever been meaning to get this up sooner. I’m a whole month late. Geez. Can you believe my oldest is already 4 years old? Well, I’m sure you can. It’s not exactly magic. I’m in shock though. I swear he was a baby yesterday. Today he made himself a snack, got himself dressed and peed all over the bathroom floor.

It’s been a crazy year. Going from 3 to 4 is really a HUGE change. Kids go from babies to kids, just like that. He talks so much now, and has so many opinions. He sees and hears so much. He takes everything in. He’s so excited to start school in the fall and even started preschool this year in preparation. He looooooves dufferdoo. He’s also doing karate once a week, which is the best. We hang out with his friends as much as we can (as much as our schedule and my anxiety allows). His best friend is Isla, who happens to also be one of his oldest friends. He ADORES his cousins Cassidy, Elliot and Wesley. Watching him with his brother is my greatest joy. He is so protective of Mason. He loves him to pieces, even when it’s hard.

Now, for some stats and an interview:

Around 43.25″ tall (about 3.6 feet), 43lbs

Nicknames: Monkey, kiddo, turd, turdmonkey, buddy, baby, big guy.

Diapers: He uses the potty during the day and wears good nights at night.

Noms: This kid is fussy. This has not changed. We’ve been able to add a few food items to his diet, but not much. Seriously. The only things he will eat are: Peanut butter, cucumber, carrots, cantaloupe, milk chocolate, olives, chicken nuggets, french fries, cold uncooked hot dogs, pepperoni, pizza (sometimes), kraft dinner, bologna, satines, waffles, gold fish, ice cream, apples, bananas, frozen blueberries and strawberry yogurt.

It was pretty awesome reading last year’s post. It’s funny that every year I’m like “Oh god, this is the hardest age”. I will say they all have their awful bits and awesome bits. I love how independent he is now. He’s such a PERSON. He has his own likes, dislikes, reactions, emotions, etc… The hardest part is the sass that comes at 4. Oh man, it was like a switch. Suddenly he’s all backtalk, sass, and potty humour.

  1. How old are you? 4
  2. What is your favourite colour? Red
  3. What is your favourite animal? Dinosaur
  4. What is your favourite book? The Animals Alphabet
  5. What is your favourite show? Sarah and Duck (Mummy would also add Paw Patrol, Teen Titans Go, and Curious George)
  6. What is your favourite movie? Big Hero 6 (aka Hiro Hamada)
  7. What is your favourite song? I don’t know
  8. What is your favourite food? Bananas
  9. What is your favourite snack? cheese
  10. What is your favourite outfit? Shorts and soccor ball shirts
  11. What is your favourite game? (goes to get Rayman Video game), Tag and What time is it Mr. Wolf
  12. What is your favourite toy? Buzz Lightyear
  13. Who is your best friend?  Isla
  14. What is your favourite thing to do? Play with everyone
  15. What is your favourite thing to do outside? Play at the park
  16. What is your favourite holiday? Tuesday and Halloween
  17. What do you want to be when you grow up?  Daddy

Happy Birthday, baby. I love you so much.

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Baby, Daily Life, Depression, family

Dark Days of Spring

It’s very odd to have depression some days. Yesterday, I broke down in tears to my husband “I feel like I don’t exist, or that I’m fading away. I’m invisible”. In that moment, I was desperate for people to see me, really see me. This morning, I woke up and the last thing I wanted was to be around anyone. I didn’t want to leave the house.

Spring is usually when most people start coming out of their winter blahs. For me, I struggle with loving the season while simultaneously hating how it reminds me of my mother’s death and Liam’s traumatic birth. Add to that that we have been having an incredibly difficult time the last few months…well…I’m not coping. Our financial situation is pretty dire, and I’m not using that word lightly. We are doing what we can to get by, but I feel a huge amount of responsibility for our situation as I am the one currently on maternity leave. On top of that, my husband’s health hasn’t been great and we have no answers. For people who have been surrounded by illness and death, we are both very anxious about this. There is just so much going on, all at once. The kids can feel it and see it, and are acting out accordingly.

I am pushing myself through it. One step at a time, day by day. I am barely able to adult, but I am doing the best I can to pay the bills, make meals and make sure the kids are dressed and don’t stink too badly. We have also added a new member of our little clan. Pat’s dear friend, A, has moved in with us for a while while she deals with some of her own difficult times. So, I’m sorry for being so quiet here and on social media lately. I just don’t know what to say or what to share at the moment.

I’ve been losing myself in beauty videos on youtube. Let me know if you want me to share any links, faves or any of my own stuff. I don’t think I can do videos at the moment with everything that we have going on, but I can certainly try to post more. It’s just tough with a velcro baby and velcro preschooler, on top of an ill husband. Mason’s 4 Month post is coming up in the next couple of days, and I also have plans to post about the Eco Chic Movement baby line soon, so stay tuned.

Thanks for understanding, y’all. I really appreciate you being there through the fun and the hard times.