Pushing forward

Starting a conversation can be so hard sometimes. Finding the right ice breaker, the right way to start, can seem impossible. I find myself sitting quietly a lot these days rather than trying to find a way to talk about what’s been going on lately.

After my sister’s visit, I found myself slipping quietly into a funk. I’m not sure if it just started out as that down after a great time that happens to everyone, or if it was the time of year. Either way, I tried to manage it myself. I was diligently taking my meds. I got lots of sleep and ate well. Nothing seem to break the funk though, and eventually it grew into something more. My anxiety and depression reared their ugly heads. Thankfully, I have some amazing friends and family who encouraged me to talk to my doctor about it. My meds have been changed and I am being very careful around my triggers and am managing as best I can.

Unfortunately, the world keeps on spinning and doesn’t care what is already on one’s plate. Shortly after this, I received some news. I don’t want to get into too many details, because it wouldn’t be appropriate, but I am no longer doing any of the social media for Belly Laughs. I mention it only because I feel it is only right that you, my readers, know where to find me and I know that I have directed you there previously. There is a chance that I may do some blogging for them in the future, but that isn’t a sure thing. As of right now, I still work my regular monday night shift, but that’s it.

As you can imagine, the timing isn’t great with the holidays coming up. Thankfully, I did most of my shopping quite early and everything that is left on my Shopping list can be replaced with homemade items. Honestly, I prefer doing it that way anyway. It also so happens that one of my favourite self-care tasks is crafting, so it’s a win win.

The fun didn’t stop there, unfortunately. On my way to work on Monday, our one and only vehicle started making very unhappy sounds. I took it in yesterday (which ended up being a fun adventure for Liam and I, despite the early hour. He ended up having his first bus ride. A wrong bus choice on my part resulted in an unexpected trip to Starbucks and a windy but nice walk home).

liamadventureLooks like our poor wheels are pretty much done. We are putting about $500 in and then will trade it in. This of course means a bad financial situation when things are tough already, and added strain because we will need to finance the next car. Which also means that we will not be able to continue house hunting for a while, at least until things vastly improve.

So, here we are, I am trying my best to be positive about it all, but it’s hard. I probably need to find more work to supplement the hours that I have lost. On the plus side, a close family friend has presented me with an opportunity which may fill that void. We were talking about replacing the car soon anyway (ideally after getting our new home), because it is killer on gas. This situation sort of expedited the whole process. I was feeling torn about the whole house situation anyway, and this forces us to wait until we are in a more stable situation. Which, if I am being honest, is fine with me. Things are tough. Really really tough. I’m not doing great, however I do see that maybe this is the Universe forcing us to do things we have put off and giving us opportunities we may not have taken otherwise. For instance, I am now thinking about focusing more on what I can do in the future to potentially start my own business.

Oh, and I am knitting and crocheting like crazy again. Check it out! I will do a post soon with more deets on these.

liamgrampscommissionhatsHopefully I will have some good news to share soon. In the mean time, I will keep hoping and pushing along. Hopefully these bumps in the road are just new opportunities that we haven’t fully appreciated yet.

Reminder to myself

Heather, don’t forget your goals.

-Don’t be a doormat. For anyone. Live for you.
-Take control of your own life.
-Take responsibility for your choices. Live with the results. If you don’t like it, change it.
-Do what makes YOU happy. You are officially donefocusing on everyone else.
-Don’t make your life your work, work to live.
-Find a better job in a healthier environment
-Get healthy to feel healthy and beautiful

As the moon was covered by her cloak, I felt my own come off. I felt my eyes open.

Need a Change Reading

Spread: Need A Change from Ann Moura’s Tarot for the Green Witch

1. What to let go: Ace of Coins: Prosperity, big commercial success, financial security, new money making ventures, new job, business ventuers, etc. etc.
2. What to embrace: Page of Swords R Cunning, deceit, unfinished projects, lack of preparation, taking inappropriate shortcuts, change of plans, unforeseen events, obstructions to learning.
3. Obstacles or negative influence: Five of Coins R. Relief coming, courage to find hidden opportunities, temporary difficulties, overcoming troubles in relationships
4. Assistance or positive influence: Strength R. Blame placing, emotionalism, unconfident, sentimentality, boasting, short-sighted, compromise.
5. Look here for direction or assistance: Page of Wands R. Fool. Impatience, petty rivalries, uncertainty, flattery from a false friend, easily influenced, used to achieve another’s goals, lack of forethought. Awakening, fearlessness, courage, joy of life, enthusiasm, new beginning, hidden potential about to be revealed, creativity, fertility, open minded, innovation, fresh ideas, playfulness, recreation, originality, primal energy.

Erum. Thoughts?

My Interpretations:

1. I need to let go of my focus on the job hunt. I have to stop obsessing over finding something new and making crazy cash.

2. I need to embrace my crafts, the things I’ve left hanging since this job-hunt obsession, such as my knitting, my sewing, dpt, letter writing, etc… the things that make me happy and inspire me. This is also what I used to use as my identifier card, so maybe I should embrace my younger shadow self. Hrm. I think I also need to let myself be more open to change and to the pit stops on the path.

3. My obstacles, I think, are my waiting for things to get better. That relief is coming, that these troubles are temporary, etc etc. I need to “man up” and face these things as they are now. Also, it is obvious that certain relationship troubles are acting as obstacles right now, though not necessarily my relationship with Pat

4. Maybe I will find help in being weak, in letting my guard down, by not being so strong all the time. That I have to focus on the now and be short-sighted, rather than obsessing over the future, let my emotions rule a bit more.

5. Now, I can’t tell if this is me being the crappy user, or if it’s someone around me who is that person, but who can help me? Again though, it seems to me the message is enjoy the now, be more spontaneous, stop worrying so much. Let the inner child out to play a bit more. Either that, or I need to find those two people to give me help. Ideas?