Daily Life, Paganism

Two Readings

Today is one of those days where life feels very overwhelming. So, to Tarot I go for some insight.

What to do about family crazy? (This is a random card draw, no specific spread)

1. Hermit: From this, I get take time to be by myself . Wisdom that comes from time and experience.  Perhaps listening to the advice of people that I respect.

2. Six of Cups R. Living in the past, resisting change.

3. Knight of Wands R. Discord (duh), activity interrupted, plans change, hard work and efforts belittled by those who are envious

4. Eight of Cups. Turning point, no longer allowing myself to be the victim, learning and moving foward, ending relationships.

5. The Empress R (This is a card that I associate with. My initial impression is that this situation is bringing out the worst in me). It can also mean a blockage, slowed progress, etc…

6. King of Wands R. This may be another person involved in this situation, also not at their best.  It can also mean disapproving of ideas that are different from your own, thoughtless action, slow changes, criticism.

Huh. Well, that’s pretty clear. I guess it’s time to make some changes and try my best to move forward.

What to do about my work situation?
1.Present Situation: 6 of Wands R. Vanity, overestimation of ones own abilities, disloyalty, need to focus on home and family, consider the plans of others

2.Obstacle: Strength R Blame placing, emootionalism, lack of confidence, short-sightedness, compromises.

3.Goal/Destiny: Queen of Swords (Another card I associate to myself). Taking action, keen and focused mind, breaking free from restriction, thoughts manifested, self-determined, self-protective.

4. Distant past: Emperor. Authority, self-confidence, experience, accomplishing goals, attainment, accepting responsibility, etc..

5. Recent past: The Moon R Illusion,un-manifested dreams, facades, deception, visions obscured, limited imagination, suspicion, letting myself get carried away with dreams.

6. Immediate Future: Two of Cups R. Emotional misunderstandings, disagreements, selfdelusion, self-indulgence, lack of appreciation of another, ending of a relationship

7. Factors affecting situation: Knight of Wands R (Notice that this was in the last reading. I’m going to take this as my family situation is affecting this work situation)

8. External influences: Eight of Cups. Turning point in life, abandoning plans, seeking a new path. Again in the other reading, despite lots of shuffling. No longer allowing oneself to be the victim.

9. Fears/Desires: Knight of Swords. Sudden changes, self-assurance, incisive career activity, courage, balance of power between dreams and action, skill, no more delays in reaching goals.

10. Outcome: The Devil. Natural course, decisions, powerful forces, freedom, sense of humour, release, following inclination, conquering obstacle, potential unleashed.


Daily Life

Life and Stressing

I don’t have a whole lot to report today. It’s been a difficult week, with my stress levels rising almost daily. I’ve been trying to balance that out by spending quality time with people who calm me down and doing things that bring me joy. It’s hard though. DH (short for Dear Husband) and I went to the family home this week to do some cleaning, sorting and packing.

You see, when I moved out the last time, I never really felt that it would be The Last Time. Mum was sick and we all knew that she’d need help eventually. In fact, in the months leading up to the Move Date (The 10th, the day after Mum died), Mum had us start to move things in. So, now that we’re going through the estate, I’m also packing up things that I had only recently moved back in. It’s difficult. We got a lot done, so that was great. It’s such a long and hard process. My nerves are shot and I’m exhausted all the time.

Thursday, after going out to see The Last Airbender (which, btw, wasn’t bad at all. I think people aren’t used to movies for children, who actually take the time to explain and repeat things for their younger audience.), DH and I had an unfortunate run in with a complete dick. One of the main roads in the west end of town, where we live, is under construction. All of the lane lines are currently gone, and this guy was following the lead of someone who didn’t really know where the lanes were. They ended up beside Pat and I, in the turning lane. After the light, that we were stopped at, the 4 lanes became two, with two turning lanes turning to the left. So, Pat and I kept going straight, as per the lane that we were in, and these two dumbasses tried to do the same, beside us. Of course, they were forced into our lane by the median. The first car cut in front of us, and the truck behind him tried to do the same, but was forced behind us by the road and his speed. He tailgated us SUPER CLOSE until the next light, when he pulled up beside us. He yelled at us a bunch, with his terrified daughter/girlfriend/wife, trying to hide beside him. Pat told him that we were in the right lane, and that he had infact been in the turning lane. The guy got more aggravated and wouldn’t listen, so I spoke up and told him that the reason he was forced in behind us is because the rest of his lane disappeared to the left of him. You know, in a turn. Like turning lanes do. Apparently, he didn’t take my insight very well because he threw his three day old coffee into our car at my face. I was completely shocked. Pat was LIVID and when the guy took off, Pat followed him to have some Serious Words with him. The guy ran, so we went on our way. I couldn’t believe that someone would react that way to such a stupid thing. He was in the wrong, wouldn’t hear it, was confrontational, and in the end, violent. This, in turn, made my husband violent and defensive of me.

Not a good night. I went home, cleaned up and showered. It’s dumb, but it’s something that has been bothering me for days. Who does that? Who throws stuff at people? Who reacts so strongly because a woman decided to share her opinion? In my mind, if you’re going to throw shit at me, you better stick around to defend your actions, rather than running like a chicken.

Then, I wonder what he’s going through that he’s so angry. What is he so angry about that he’s putting on us?

Going through what I’ve gone through, seeing the anger and the hurt I’ve felt, I wonder about these assholes that come in an hurt us, or try to. What brought them here? I mean, I’m sure it’s possible that he’s just an angry dirt bag who gets off on being a bully. I calms me down a bit to think that maybe he’s not terrible by nature, but is just hurting too. Maybe he’s even a little ashamed of himself now. Maybe.

Daily Life

I hope that wasn’t a sign…

Man, here we are. Three days out. It’s amazing to me how fast time flies by. We’re in a pretty good place overall. Most of the big stuff is done. I’m looking forward to being able to share with you all of the little projects I’ve done once the wedding is over.

Litha came and went beautifully for me. My sister and I spent the morning dealing with some frustrating estate stuff. Luckily, I think the sticky pink strawberries and the warm sweet smell of the boiling jam could cheer the grumpiest of people.

In fact, I wish I had some to make today. It could certainly help!

Today is one of those days that they warn you about when you start to plan your wedding. I was warned that in your last week before the wedding, the following would occur:
-Your face will explode into badness (Check. I have both eczema and pimples, and my neck is included in this joy. Sweet.)
-You will burn/tan when you do everything you can to avoid it (Check. Despite wearing SPF 60 every day for the last 2 months, perhaps causing the previous issue, I have lovely strap lines. Awesome.)
-People will suddenly cancel at the very last minute (Check. We’ve gone from 81 to 68 in two days)
-You’ll finish almost everything to suddenly have to fix a bunch of things you did too early (Check. Because of the previous point, I have to work on the place cards and completely rework the seating chart)
-Vendors will piss you off, even if they’ve been angels up to this point (Check. Suit vendor is flaking on us. May not have the suits for the guys until the day before the wedding)

Meanwhile, we just had an earthquake. We don’t normally have those here, in Ottawa, despite having a fault line right near my house. The last “big” one was a 4.5 I think back in 2002. It was only 5.7, but for us, that’s intense. People at work are now being short and snippy with each other, as we call loved ones to make sure everyone is ok. I feel caged. I just so badly want to get home and see Pat and the animals to confirm what my mind already knows, that they are fine.

I hope the rest of the week improves. I’m trying to be optimistic, but this is a bit much.