Tarot Reading

So, every night for the last month or so, I’ve been having stress dreams and nightmares. Every. Single. Night. I’m not sure why, but I expected this to stop in the new year. That somehow, 2014 would wipe the slate clean. Clearly, this was not the case. The dreams all feature my parents, my parents home, feeling as thought I am misunderstood, lots of stress, heartbreak, people not trusting me, packing up my parents house, my dad’s kids or people from my past.

After a particularly bad dream this morning, I’ve decided to do a tarot reading to see what I can do to understand this situation better.

Deck Used: Shadowscapes

Spread: The Journey, from the Shadowscapes book.

Initial draw:

I do a quick initial draw to warm myself up and to introduce the topic. It’s sort of my way of making sure the cards and I are connected and on the same page, topic wise.

tarot1Getting to the heart of the matter, inner knowledge, need to move on from the past, Personal reflection. Inner strength. Truth. Strong sense of purpose, Seeking guidance. Caught in the past, over thinking, limiting oneself. A sign of discord, conflict of interests, take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Passage away from difficulties, a chance to recover, too much change has led to a time of darkness that you must find a way to rise from.

tarot2Leaving Behind:

Caught in the past, over thinking, limiting oneself. Making a choice to either reap the rewards of effort or wait further – The time of waiting is over. Enjoy the reward of your efforts. A calm moment of consideration of alternatives and different approaches. A sensitive woman. A true romantic, wants to just sit and breathe, listening to the still voice from within.

I have spent too much time thinking about my options, working towards the reward and ignoring the fruit, caught in the past. It’s time to move on from being the romantic woman, lost in herself, and start living and appreciating now.

tarot3Why am I on this journey:

Introverted personality. Clinging to the past. Attachment. Immaturity. Refusal to accept responsibility. Selfishness. Emotional suspension, anxiety, guilt. A traitor – one who has turned his back to friends and loved ones and in effect on himself in the process.

Am I refusing to accept the role I played in my mother’s estate badness? Or do I have too much guilt about it? I was placed in the role of Traitor…must think about this further.

Star/Guiding Force:

Letting go of the past, being honest with myself, make new goals and let go of the old me.


Seeking where my heart and emotions lead, idealist, following my dreams and intuition, yearning for perfection, seeking my grail.


Effects of stress, responsibilities may seem too much, take time to determine priorities, centering myself without losing myself in thought. So many demands and dependencies, doing things the hard way, taking on too much, the burden is taken on willingly because she knows she has the strength to do it.


Bees and Foxes

Imported from LJ – Bees and Foxes
They’re everywhere to me right now. I know there is a message for me in it, I just can’t seem to figure it out.

With the bees, it’s been something on my mind for a while. The Beekeeper album by Tori Amos kind of started it off. This was continued in her book, piece by piece, which briefly goes over the sacred nature of bees and beekeeping. Since then, especially in the last few days, I’ve been bombarded. I read “The Secret Life of Bees” by Sue Monk Kidd (Awesome book, btw) which focuses on bees and their tie to the sacred feminine (in tht specific case, the black madonna). At work I keep dealing with census’ of bee keepers. Bees themselves tend to come up in conversations around me, without any help from me, etc…

I don’t know enough about bees to know what to think. I think I’m going to do some futher research. I looked into local beekeepers and found a Pagan couple just outside ottawa, who make “Blessed Bee” honey. Heh. I’m tempted to ask if I can visit and talk to them.

Foxes have been sneaking up in a similar way for a while. Nathan bought me a fox print, saying he thought of me when he saw it. Pat’s Mum came up with a silly nickname for me “The little fox”, I keep hearing about them in conversations, in articles, and so forth. Hmm.

Foxes and bees everywhere, but what does it all mean?

Since this post, there have been a few new “Bee” things.
-Bought an album by the lead singer of a great band out of Montreal, Stars. The singer, Amy Millan finally put out this solo album. I had to laugh when I picked it up. “Honey from the Tomb” with a big ‘ol bee on the cover
-I told my Dad about the bee whatnot, he started laughing and put down the newspaper he was reading. Right there, in front of us both, an article on Bees in Ottawa.
-I went to put the dog out and noticed some freakin’ huge bugs flying around lazily. My mum, out front, noticed them too. Bees. About 24 at the front of the house. about 7-12 at the back. Turns out they may have been June Bugs, but we’re not sure
-David Usher’s been working on a new song, I just found today: Life of Bees (which you can find on his myspace site)
-I went to Michael’s to pick up some craft supplies. Almost ran right into a huge bee stamp kit.
-I’ve always been attracted to amber jewellery
-I was going to see a woman from a local pagan group with Lis to talk about botanical tattoos. Turns out she’s a beekeeper

Kat has leant me a book on Animals and Shamanism, an it’s given me quite the insight into the situation. ONe of the key points that I’m taking from this is that I’m working too hard without enjoying the fruits of my labour. Working for the sake of working and missing out on life. Hmm.