Baby, Daily Life, Depression, family, Health, Paganism

Spring

I empathize with Spring this year. I don’t want to leave the house yet. I am comfortable under my layers of blankets and sweaters. I feel like I have more thinking and coping to do. That said, I think everyone is so very ready for the bleak cold winter days to be OVER ALREADY.

Mucha's seasons (just winter and spring)
Sisters, Winter and Spring.

The last few weeks have been rough here. I feel like the poor plants, trapped in the cold earth, waiting for the weather to change and welcome me back. My Mom’s birthday came and went, and I felt my heart breaking for my son’s lack. He will never know how her eyes sparkled and her laugh cackled when she was truly amused by something. He will never know her stern look over the frame of her glasses, paired by that Marge-esq grumble. He is at an age now where he remembers. He misses people and he asks about them. He tells elaborate stories about his best friend, Gus. He talks about his favourite person in the world, his Auntie Tracy. When my Mum’s birthday came, and he saw me crying while watching a tribute video made by my Dad’s family (estranged to us), he was so worried. He doesn’t understand who these people are that I miss so terribly. I have pictures of them up, I talk about them as much as I can, but he doesn’t know them. There are just some days where that hurts so very much.

Ostara was kind of quiet for us this year. We talked a bit about it, I made a crustless quiche (my Mom’s recipe), and some bunny buns. I gave everyone some mini-eggs and that was it. At least, that was it until my girlfriend, Sarah, called up and told us that she had some extra tickets to the Live Dinosaur Train show. Such a great time! Liam loved it.

Bunny Buns and Quiche
Bunny Buns and Quiche
Liam and I at Dinosaur Train
Dinosaur Train!

A couple days later, I was overcome by the need to do some spring cleaning, and basically attacked the house. Unfortunately, my health hasn’t been great and I very quickly lost steam. I’m doing a tiny bit each day. My back, neck and knee have been acting up. It’s been 5 years since my accident, and I am seeing now how this has changed my life. Even the most basic things, like sitting on the floor to play with my kid and a ball is hard for me.

Easter is around the corner now. Much like Ostara, I don’t have my steam or excitement for it. We’ve been doing some crafts and talking about it as an extension of Ostara, but I can’t help but think about how it was the last holiday I had with Mom, 5 years ago. I can’t help but deeply miss my sister and wish that I was surrounded by loud, insane, offensive family all over again (My Dad’s kids and my parents. Tracy and I are very alike in that we became very small and quiet at the big family dinners. Of course, we helped each other stay sane during those crazy visits).

20150328_09290120150328_092925(1)On the plus side, all of this reflection has given me the push to finally save my pictures from my old desktop that has been sitting dead for 3 years. Pat managed to get it going long enough for me to back everything up. My goal is to start making family photo books. Gives me the ability to celebrate the family, love and support that I do have.

What are your plans for the holiday weekend?

Daily Life, family, Paganism

Spring parties

As you could tell from my last post, we have had a rough go the last little bit. Right before Easter weekend, we were all struck down by a 72 hr gastro bug. It hit me first, right after work on Wednesday, and then slowly made its way through the family. We still weren’t over it by Easter morning, so we had a word with Humphrey and decided that the egg hunt and Ostara plans would have to be postponed.

Unfortunately, I had already postponed Ostara from the actual equinox, to Easter weekend (I’m trying to find a way to combine our holidays and practices. This time didn’t quite work out). As a result, we finally got to celebrating this past weekend, and its already nearly Beltane. Sigh. Oh well! Funny how once the weather changes, life seems to pick up the pace. This weekend was full of spring celebrations.

We woke up Sunday morning, went to get papa (I’m sleeping with Liam these days, as his flu and molars have done a number on his sleep again. He’s nursing like a newborn these days) and off he went on the egg hunt.

As you can see, Humphrey spoiled him nicely.  After the egg hunt, we celebrated Ostara by planting some seeds in Liam’s new seed starter kit and then I did a cedar and sage smudging of the house.

Planting some merigold seeds
Planting some marigold seeds

 

My new smudging kit
My new smudging kit

After the chocolate craze died down, and little man finally had his nap, we were off to Brewer park to hang out with our buddies! G, one of Liam’s buddies, had his birthday right around the same time as L. We decided to avoid the big party this year and simply celebrate these two awesome dudes by doing their favourite thing. We had a great time, despite the chilly grey weather.

park

A couple hours later, all the kids were turning into monster pumpkins. This mama was pretty toast too. It was a great weekend, with a ton of celebration.

I’m not quite sure what our plans are for Beltane later this week, but I’m thinking maybe a trip to the Experimental Farm and maybe making my Honey Lavender cake. Nothing too crazy this year. I was hoping to take Liam to the local Waldorf’s school May Day celebrations  this weekend (they even have a maypole!), but I’m working the Ottawa Baby Show this year! If you’re in the area, please come out and visit me on Sunday at the Belly Laughs booth. I’m there from 10-3.

logo

This coming week also marks the beginning of a new chapter in my journey towards living healthier. I recently came across a great blog called Bless this Mess (a sentiment I can definitely get behind). A week ago, or so, she posted about this great challenge called Feel Great in 8. I was intrigued so I checked it out. I really dig the concept: Striving towards holistic Health. We’re not just talking shedding pounds here, but rather working on fitness, nutrition, mental health and spirituality. I may be one of the few(if not only) non-Christian participants, but I think the challenges will still speak to me and my faith. I am about 11lbs from my first goal (my pre-pregnancy weight), and I’ve been slacking pretty bad lately. This is exactly the kind of boost I need. If you’re interested, check out their page. There’s time left before our round starts (May 5th). There are referral benefits, but don’t feel like you have to share that you got there through me.  I’d just love to have some buddies join me in this :)

TCBOTB

 

And with that, I’m off! We’re having our furnace serviced for the spring today, and I need to carve out a path through the toddler destruction for the guys to get in.

 

Daily Life, Paganism

Beltane and End of the Song Meme

I hope everyone had a  lovely long weekend! The husband and I celebrated with his family on Saturday and laid low the rest of the weekend. Since Easter was the last holiday I celebrated with my Mum before her death, it was definitely bittersweet for me.

I can’t believe we’re a week away from Beltane! I still have no idea what my plans are, which has sadly become a trend over the last couple of years. It’s been a tough transition, going from working with a tight knit group to suddenly finding myself solitary. I am thinking that whatever I do, I want to make this cake. Honey and Lavender? Sounds like a delicious plan to me! Yum!

And in other news, the song meme is now done! Here are my last few bits:

day 25 – a song that makes you laugh

You know you love it.

day 26 – a song that you can play on an instrument

Sadly, none. I don’t play any instrument :( I used to play the clarinet, but that was about 13 years ago.

day 27 – a song that you wish you could play

I LOVE this song. I walked down the aisle to it and would LOVE to learn to play it.
day 28 – a song that makes you feel guilty

Strange, right? Well, my Mum had asked me to burn a CD for her, and this was one of the songs she wanted. I kept putting it off, forgetting and it never got done. It’s one of those silly things I can’t seem to get over, but I really wish I had made her that CD.

day 29 – a song from your childhood

Paul Abdul and I go way back. My barbies and dolls would put on elaborate performances of Straight Up and Cold Hearted Snake (I blame my love of JEM. Most of my childhood games for the next few years involved some kind of dramatic love story and singing). I think my sister and I played that album until it died.

day 30 – your favorite song at this time last year

Yes, Mumford and Sons. It was about this time last year that I was obsessed with this album. I was also listening to a lot of our wedding music at this time, trying to figure out what songs to tell the DJ to play.