It’s been a long time now since I’ve written a personal post. 2016 has been kicking our asses. Between that and having two crazy kids, I don’t have much time to give sitting down and writing about real life stuff, if that makes any sense. I’m actually fighting a nasty cold at the moment, which means that I have a bit of time to sit and just write.
Mason is 9 months old, almost 10 months. Liam has started school. How is this possible? Where has time gone? It’s been a pretty good transition, thankfully. Liam loves school and it’s been giving me a bit of a breather during an otherwise stressful time.
We have a lot of personal financial and family stuff going on that I don’t feel comfortable sharing here, but it’s been playing one hell of a toll on my anxiety and depression. Thankfully, my husband’s work has a great EAP program and I’ve been able to get some help. On top of that, I’ve started keeping a bullet journal. It has been amazing at keeping me calm, organized and a place to share what’s going on in my head in a pretty and creative way.
Bullet Journaling is kind of a checklist mixed with a day planner, mixed with a journal. It can be as simple or as involved as you want. It’s very very easy to personalize.
Beyond bullet journaling, I’ve continued to play with and test makeup and other products. I’m toying with the idea of making a youtube channel to compliment this blog, but I’m nervous about the amount of work it would take. I’ve started job hunting again, ideally looking for something either from home or close to home so that we can save on daycare costs by me being with Mason during the day.
So, I know this isn’t a really great update, but I wanted to let you guys know that I’m alive and ok, but not great. We are working on things to improve our situation, but nothing is coming very easily. Happy Fall everyone xo
In about an hour, my first therapy session for PPD will be starting. I’m nervous, scared and hopeful. I’ve had two cups of perfectly milky, sweet, and strong English Breakfast tea while snuggled up with Liam this morning. The house is cool with fall air.
I love this time of year. Despite the impending winter rest, it feels like an exciting time of beginnings. I feel inspired to write, to knit and even paint. I feel everything so much more strongly, like a fog has been lifted.
I hope this new beginning leads us down a path of balance and health. I hope it provides me with the tools to get through this. I’m feeling optimistic about it.
I’m not sure if it’s just me, but I’m very glad that Samhain has passed. The fall seems like such a busy time that it’s a bit of a relief when the last big event finally passes by. Nothing that has been planned for this fall has actually worked out the way we expected. My mother’s house still is far from being ready for sale. My house is still full of boxes and wedding things that need to be returned. I’m not too worried about it though. The knowledge of the coming winter is almost a comfort to me. It’s an insulated time. With the fall of snow and temperatures, you’re forced to stay inside and work on things there. I feel like I need that white, cold buffer between me and the world right now.
Have gone through an incredible amount of change the last year, and I feel that this winter will help me adjust and accept those changes. I am married, and with that not only has my name changed, but I am tied to another person for, hopefully, a lifetime. We are planning to start a family soon, which will bring a whole new set of changes. I have a new family, and new home and identity. I feel like we have our own nest now, and that this is our time.
My parents are both dead. I knew that this would happen eventually, but it’s still very difficult for me to accept that it is reality now. It is an incredible loss that I can’t even begin to explain, that I would never wish on anyone. It has very suddenly removed a support system that I have been relying on very heavily my whole life. It’s like learning to walk all over again.
In a week, I will be once again unemployed. I have applied for a job that I desperately want and feel very strongly about, but there is a chance that I won’t get it. I need to decide at some point if I want to keep doing the same things and moving in the same direction, or if I want to try something new.
It’s a scary and difficult time in my life, but it’s also an incredibly exciting one. Everything is new to me. This is definitely a time of learning and creating. I can already see the changes in and around me. I’m drawing again. I’m reading voraciously. I’m changing the relationships I have with the people in my life. I’m excited to see where this all leads me :)