Hills and Valleys

Man, 2014 has been a rollercoaster for us. The last month or so, I’ve really been struggling.

The Downs

The Downs

-. In a very short span of time, our laptop was broken, my wedding rings went missing and we realized that were were in a tight spot financially. Of course, the lap top was where I did the majority of my writing. It allowed me to be present for Liam, and to feel a little less like a cave dweller (ugh, basements). Having it break was harder on me than I expected. As much as I enjoy my new cellphone (LG G2, for those curious), I HATE typing on the damn thing. I swear to god, I’m like an 80 year old with broken thumbs. The bigger screen and the different keyboard has made my life hell. This has resulted in me shutting down a bit in terms of my communication. It’s just too much work to speak that way now. So, there I was, speaking less, bummed about a turn of bad luck, stressed over broken things and lost tokens of love, knowing that financially, we could never replace any of them.

-. My eyesight has gotten worse. I don’t know if its that I am finally admitting my poor eyesight OR that my dependency on my glasses has made my vision worse, but I have gone from never wearing my glasses (or owning a proper pair) in the fall to now wearing them all the time. Unfortunately, because of where I live, my drive to work involves driving directly into the setting sun and I didn’t have a pair of sunglasses that were prescription. We really didn’t have the money for me to get one, but I was getting more stressed about dangerous driving conditions every time I went to work. Finally, we buckled and got me a pair from clearly contacts, but we both felt the financial strain immediately. Hopefully we get some of that back through Pat’s benefits at work. It was a hard week though.

-. Liam is going through….something. I don’t know if its teeth, his cold, the terrible twos, a wonderweek type thing, or what. The kid has been up and down like a yoyo and it has been exhausting. Major tantrums, big feelings, screaming, hitting, refusing to sleep, eating nothing or eating everything. It’s been hard to deal with.

-. About a month ago, I found out that a good friend of mine was going through a really rough time. Her mother had been diagnosed with brain cancer and had been given a short life expectancy. It broke my heart to see her go through that. Meanwhile, one of our own (an auntie), had just been diagnosed with colon cancer and had surgery coming up. Cancer has been terrible to me and mine, so I was pretty scared. Even with my friend’s mom, it triggered all sorts of emotions in me. I would really appreciate it if you kept both wonderful women in your thoughts.

-.I had two fillings break. Two. Finally found a dentist that would see me on a weekend and it ended up costing me almost 800. Yep. For two fillings. (Thanks to being a new patient, I needed xrays, a first time exam, etc.. etc…). Here’s hoping most of that is covered. Oh, and he says that I need a significant amount of work. Like, another 2000$ worth of work. Fuck.

-.I was dropped by our family GP (rather, she went away on sabbatical and decided not to come back), leaving me without a GP for myself or for Liam. Not a huge deal for most, but trying to find a GP that is cool with extended breastfeeding, bedsharing, babywearing and informed consent is harder than one might think. Further to that, I need someone who is ok with me having lots of questions and coming in for seemingly small things (without family to turn to and ask “Bwah? Is that normal?” I want to be able to turn to my doctor without feeling like an idiot). Of course, this also coincided with my prescription for antidepressants running out (as in, no more refills).

But! Nanny J recommended a Dr to us and I thought all was going to be fine…until that Dr and my pharmacist got into a pissing contest. You see, I can’t get in to meet her until April. After which time, she will decide if I “fit” her. She doesn’t consider me a patient until then. I went back and forth on the phone, between both offices, until finally the Dr sent a snarky fax to the pharmacist, which he then read to me. Thankfully, he saw my position and filled the prescription for me to cover me until I have this meeting with Dr. Pain in the Ass.

The fall out of this whole thing was that I ended up going 3 days without meds and I was completely overwhelmed with anxiety. On day three, I sat on my couch and cried silently, while Curious George kept Liam occupied. Thankfully, I had the right mind to reach out to my dear friend, Kaitlin. Just by being her awesome self and listening, I was able to calm down. I got myself out of the house, with Liam, to visit The Children’s Museum with Krista and her guy, Wes. It was AMAZING. I am definitely going back soon. Honestly, it was one of my favourite places I’ve been to with Liam.

And that leads me to…

The Good

The Good

-. I have amazing friends. No, seriously. These girls are there for me through thick, thin and crazy. They make me a better person.

-. WE FOUND MY WEDDING RINGS! WOOO! They were missing a month and a half, and were found in a pile of laundry (my guess is that Little Man took them on an adventure)

-.I am medicated again!! This makes all the difference in the world for me. I can cope now.

-.Auntie had her surgery this past week and it was a huge success! They think they got all of the cancer. Fingers and toes crossed!

-.My time away from electronics has led to some productivity with my hobbies:

Liam's gramps cardigan

Liam’s gramps cardigan

I am finally making progress on Liam’s birthday sweater. I am on to the main part of the body now. Probably about 6-8 more inches before I switch to ribbing, and then do the sleeves, collar, pockets and elbow patches. Woo! That’s on hold for a little bit though while I plug away at my RRG 2014 Olympic project:

Gaybreak WIP

Gaybreak WIP

Say hello to my very first shawl, my RRG 2014 Gaybreak. It doesn’t look very gay right now, but I’m just about to finish up the solid colour portion before starting on the rainbow bits. SO EXCITED. In the end, it should look something like this:

Photo by Red Pepper Quilts of her own Daybreak shawl

Photo by Red Pepper Quilts of her own Daybreak shawl

-. One of my very best friends just had the most gorgeous twins, ever. I’m so so excited. Honestly, this family is made up of my favourite people. I can’t wait to see them :D I’m hoping to visit them tonight.

-.I finally got to visit my sister from another mister, Sarah and two of her boys (Her hubby was at work, and her daughter was at school). We baked cookies, chatted, and had a great day together. I got to snuggle both of my nephews and my heart grew two whole sizes. It was awesome.

-. It’s the long weekend, y’all!

-. After being so completely bummed, depressed and manic, I have decided to try to get myself to a healthier place. I’ve been living on chocolate, takeout and coffee for months and its just not doing good things for me anymore. I’m back on SparkPeople if you want to follow my journey there.

-. I’ve started working on my family tree again. I was very overwhelmed after my dad died and I inherited his giant collection of geneology stuff. I just couldn’t compare to his professional approach to it. So, I’ve stopped trying. Instead, I’m taking my own damn approach. It’s much more casual and I’m finally enjoying myself again! To check it out, here is our page.