Crafting, Daily Life, Paganism

A rambling fall post

It’s been one of those weeks that just wears you right down to the ground. There’s been family drama, estate drama, the death of my year old iPhone, work troubles, hormones, nightmares, illness, serious money troubles, you name it. October has been hard on us. Today S and her wee ones popped by for a visit and some running around. I swear, there’s nothing like having your nearest and dearest around when you’re going through hell. I also heard that L is coming to town next week for work, so I’m going to be even more spoiled with some bestie time.

You can feel autumn in the air, the chill, and the smell of the leaves. I usually love this season, but it’s always a hard time of reviewing what you have around you and the drawing end of the year. I’ve been thinking a lot about Samhain and what we’re going to do this year. I haven’t really been practicing much. Honestly, since losing my mother, I’ve been afraid to get back in touch with my faith. It’s like that saying “Once bitten, twice shy”. I’ve been so afraid of getting in touch with that part of myself. I’m thinking I’m going to make either Red Moon’s Honey and Lavender cake or some kind of spice cake. I’m thinking about doing some kind of ritual for the dead. I don’t know. Being pregnant, I’m not in the mood to go out partying like in past years. Maybe we’ll just stay home and watch scary movies. I’ve been dreaming of my parents almost every night this month.

On a cheerier note, my workplace has decided that we should dress up for Halloween. Being preggo makes that difficult for me, until I saw this:

Yes. It has been purchased and shipped. I picked up a black shirt from Old Navy today while out with S. You can be a fashionable preggo this Halloween too! Here’s the shop where I found it.

The cold is helping to revive my creative spirit though, which is nice. I’m plotting some knitting projects (finish the hat for Pat, start on a scarf for a friend and of course – BABY STUFF). I’ve been thinking about getting back into journaling and maybe even drawing. Being forced inside isn’t always a bad thing I suppose. Also, I’ve been recently inspired to try my hand at a few new crafts. Firstly, here is a LOVELY wreath that Danielle made over at PHIT:

Didn't she do an amazing job? I love those colours!

Seriously, run over to her blog and tell her how amazing that is. My friend Krista of Dandelion Express made a wreath too:

Again, aren't these ladies super talented?

I just need some felt, I think, and these could be mine. I even have a foam wreath frame thingie from when I was thinking about making a mobile for a co-workers baby. (PS, don’t try making a hand knit mobile for a co-workers baby 2 weeks before the baby is due. You will never finish.) The mobile in question:

How cute, right?

I have the worm dragonfly body done. Yeah. That’s it. Here’s the Rav pattern page.

BUT! Despite that failure, I am considering attempting some felt mobile ideas for Babeh. I came across from obscenely cute ones on etsy:

Adorable! So colourful and happy! All for the low low price of…65?! Yeaaaaah, no. It gets worse too. We’re thinking about doing a woodland themed nursery (by we, I mean me. Heh.) She has a woodland themed mobile:

NEED IT.

It’s 75$. Yes. 75$. So, I’m thinking of spending maybe 20$ on felt and supplies and going from there. I think I can do it :D  Here’s the etsy store if you are interested.

Anyway, I’m off to listen to some more Neko Case and maybe even enjoy a book. Have a great weekend everyone <3

Daily Life, Paganism

Lists, Dreams and Decluttering

Hi all! I hope you had a great weekend :) It was a long weekend for me, thanks to our summer hours program at work. The weekend was full of family and close friends, which is exactly what I needed. No cleaning or yard work was accomplished, but it can wait. I took the time to sit back and let good company mend my heart a bit.

My girls and I, right before the ceremony, taking a moment to breath and connect with one another at my wedding.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, about ways to improve my life. It can be really hard, when you’re completely bogged down by depression, so I’ve been doing something that often helps keep my mind looking to the future – planning, dreaming and list making.

First thing on my list is to take a good look at our place and start to go through things. Don’t ask me when I’ll have the time to do all of this, but I’m going to try. Pat and I need to get ourselves a storage unit soon anyway, to house the stuff that we’re getting from my parents’ estate. I’m thinking it’s a good time to go through everything and make three piles. One for tossing/selling, one for keeping in our current house and one for storage. Our place is just too small for all the furniture and STUFF that we have.

Our office, after I set it all up, but before clutter and AngryAncientKitty moved in

Every room is packed to the brim, and I think this is definitely contributing to my feelings of stress and failure at keeping my house clean and friendly.  There are rooms that are just not getting used right now, and that seems silly to me. Things that I’m planning include decluttering the dining room and make it a formal dining room again, as well as a show case for family pictures. The other room, as much as it pains me, is my craft room. Sure, I use my supplies alot, but never the space. I’m seriously considering making it a guest bedroom. We have guests at least three times a season, so it would be nice to put them somewhere other than our pull out couch in the living room. We’ll see. We don’t have the space for my spare Queen bed, so other then fighting for my Dad’s old single, I don’t know that it’s a feasible plan. Oh well. Something to think about anyway.

For those who are also thinking about decluttering, I have a link to share. Even though he’s not really posting any more, due to illness in the family, I highly recommend my friend phil’s youtube series “Out of the Dog House” where he goes over the process of decluttering your life.

The next thing on the list is figure out how to make myself feel like I’m making an effort with my spirituality. I’ve been blessed with new friends who share some common beliefs, who have given me great conversations and lots to think about. I, for the first time in 8 years, have different plans for Samhain. Since I turned 19 I’ve been attending the  Witches Gathering, a costume party and ritual at a downtown club, hosted by the Ottawa pagan community. Even with all the drama and politics, I’ve only missed one year (2008. Dad had just died, and I wasn’t feeling up to it at all). This year I’m going to a party and rit held by a group that I’ve never met before, but who are close to a good friend of mine. I think it’s important that I start doing other things and forging my own path. Obviously sticking to this old one hasn’t served me all that well, and it’s no longer leading me towards learning and new connections. I also want to start doing some serious thinking and meditating on exactly what I believe and maybe get back to work with some of the exercises I had started with a year or two ago. (Namely some Shamanism stuff by Ted Andrews, more stuff from Ellen Dugan)

The big one on the list is to take some time to think about what I’d like to do with myself in terms of my career. I’ve been in admin for a long time now, but it’s never been where I wanted to end up. No offense to anyone else in the field, I just find I tend to fall into a funk really quickly when I work admin and it’s just not what makes me happy. I’ve attempted a few things over the years, and I find I’m now afraid to try, put money into something and then discover yet again that it’s not my cup of tea. Having said all of that, I am seriously considering working towards getting my Early Childhood Educator’s diploma. I enjoy working with young kids, it would open up some new doors for me, specifically at Mothercraft, which is where I’d love to work. I don’t want to run a daycare, but it would be nice to teach on a part time basis. Also, it would be great for learning those things in general, as I do want to start a family in the next year or two.

So, that’s where my mind has been at lately :) I’m going to try to post more. I have some baking to do tonight, so perhaps I’ll share a recipe!

Daily Life, Paganism

All good things…

Sorry for the lack of posting, everyone. Life has taken some unexpected turns lately and it’s taken a lot of my attention to roll with it.

Well, I can’t say that it was entirely unexpected, as I had been sensing the impending doom for about a week now, maybe two, but sometimes you just hope your intuition is wrong. Yesterday I was called into a meeting with our regional director and found out, to the surprise of everyone in the building, that with the restructure of our unit, my job no longer exists. As of September 1st.

I have a few options: I can take some time off and wallow in my own self pity, I can leave here and start job hunting for something else or I can apply for the new position that is being created, which is a fusion of full time reception and customer service. Right now, the plan is to apply for the new reception job. Pat and I want to start a family sometime in the next year, so it wouldn’t be terrible just to have something safe and solid (the reception job is full position, not a contract, with benefits) until I am ready for baby. Plus, they want me to have French, so they would pay for me to have French lessons. A definite bonus.

So, I’ve been pretty down the last couple of days, as you can imagine. It’s yet another thing to add to the pile of Things Gone Not Quite Right and I can’t help but feel a bit beaten down about everything.

Talking, via email, with my dear friend L, has helped keep things in perspective (and me away from the lovely bottle of vodka sitting in my fridge). She quoted me something out of a book she’s reading, Cakes and Ale for the Pagan Soul: “The Goddess hasn’t brought you all this way to make a fool of you, nor of her plans for you”. I needed to hear that. I know, after all of this, I’ll be stronger, and more capable to handle anything. I have faith that eventually, life will calm down a bit and I’ll find peace.

Moments like these, I try to remember that I don’t have it so bad. Sure, some people have it easier, but all of our experiences are unique and while I may have had a hard two years, there have been moments of incredible blessings. I just have to keep moving forward, growing and healing.

Three of Wands by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law