Baby, Daily Life, Depression, family, Health, Paganism


I empathize with Spring this year. I don’t want to leave the house yet. I am comfortable under my layers of blankets and sweaters. I feel like I have more thinking and coping to do. That said, I think everyone is so very ready for the bleak cold winter days to be OVER ALREADY.

Mucha's seasons (just winter and spring)
Sisters, Winter and Spring.

The last few weeks have been rough here. I feel like the poor plants, trapped in the cold earth, waiting for the weather to change and welcome me back. My Mom’s birthday came and went, and I felt my heart breaking for my son’s lack. He will never know how her eyes sparkled and her laugh cackled when she was truly amused by something. He will never know her stern look over the frame of her glasses, paired by that Marge-esq grumble. He is at an age now where he remembers. He misses people and he asks about them. He tells elaborate stories about his best friend, Gus. He talks about his favourite person in the world, his Auntie Tracy. When my Mum’s birthday came, and he saw me crying while watching a tribute video made by my Dad’s family (estranged to us), he was so worried. He doesn’t understand who these people are that I miss so terribly. I have pictures of them up, I talk about them as much as I can, but he doesn’t know them. There are just some days where that hurts so very much.

Ostara was kind of quiet for us this year. We talked a bit about it, I made a crustless quiche (my Mom’s recipe), and some bunny buns. I gave everyone some mini-eggs and that was it. At least, that was it until my girlfriend, Sarah, called up and told us that she had some extra tickets to the Live Dinosaur Train show. Such a great time! Liam loved it.

Bunny Buns and Quiche
Bunny Buns and Quiche
Liam and I at Dinosaur Train
Dinosaur Train!

A couple days later, I was overcome by the need to do some spring cleaning, and basically attacked the house. Unfortunately, my health hasn’t been great and I very quickly lost steam. I’m doing a tiny bit each day. My back, neck and knee have been acting up. It’s been 5 years since my accident, and I am seeing now how this has changed my life. Even the most basic things, like sitting on the floor to play with my kid and a ball is hard for me.

Easter is around the corner now. Much like Ostara, I don’t have my steam or excitement for it. We’ve been doing some crafts and talking about it as an extension of Ostara, but I can’t help but think about how it was the last holiday I had with Mom, 5 years ago. I can’t help but deeply miss my sister and wish that I was surrounded by loud, insane, offensive family all over again (My Dad’s kids and my parents. Tracy and I are very alike in that we became very small and quiet at the big family dinners. Of course, we helped each other stay sane during those crazy visits).

20150328_09290120150328_092925(1)On the plus side, all of this reflection has given me the push to finally save my pictures from my old desktop that has been sitting dead for 3 years. Pat managed to get it going long enough for me to back everything up. My goal is to start making family photo books. Gives me the ability to celebrate the family, love and support that I do have.

What are your plans for the holiday weekend?

Daily Life, family, Health, Paganism


The sun is peeking through the curtains as I sit here with my coffee, while Liam plays with his toy tools (his new obsession). I am so excited by the spring weather we have finally been getting. I feel rejuvenated and like I’m shedding an old skin. Selfie of me Sitting outside in the sun

This was a hard winter for us. There have been big stresses for us this winter (financial, personal, and health). Combine that with the greyness, the cold and all that snow, we have not been feeling great for months. Yesterday, we took a nice long walk around the neighbourhood and let Liam excitedly splash through all the new spring puddles. It was wonderful. We are still adjusting to the time change (Arg, I am not a fan), but this sunshine and warmth makes it bearable.

I am starting to prep for the equinox. Crafts, activities and some tasty food. Liam and I started these egg carton flowers this morning, and I have to say that I love them. spring15cThey are super easy to make, and such a happy punch of spring colour. I think we will do some seed starting for the actual equinox and eat a quiche for dinner that night.

I have started a new exercise program too. I have been finding myself tired ALL THE TIME and think that my lack of activity probably has something to do with it. I have been feeling blob like for a while. While I love my body, no matter what the scale says, I do want to be able to have enough energy to play with my kid. Here’s hoping this helps! Any tips to keep your energy up and to stay fit, without being fat shaming? Oh, on that topic, I recently wrote a small rant on facebook and tumblr about fat shaming and the Dancing Man that I wanted to share with you. Check it out here.

spring15bI hope you are having some lovely weather where you are too! <3

Daily Life

Spring Haze

I know we’re not quite there yet, but these small windows of warm and sun have been incredibly healing for me. They whisper of warm days, grass and flowers. I need that little bit of hope right now.

Yesterday, my dear friend Isaac was in town visiting family and was able to spare a few hours to hang out. We drove around town for a while before ending up at a restaurant on Somerset, in the heart of China Town.

Delicious lunch!

I had dim sum for the first time and LOVED it. I fell in love with sticky rice and actually mustered up the courage to try spicy fried octopus. The shrimp dumplings and spring rolls were AMAZING too. Green tea, conversation and tasty food was a huge comfort to me. We caught each other up on our lives and relaxed in each other’s company. There’s something so soothing about being around someone who knows you so well.

Isaac at lunch :D

After a couple of hours of talking and eating, he brought me back home. Since then, I’ve watched a super cute movie (Despicable Me, which both Pat and I loved), did a bunch of cleaning and am working on laundry as I type. The mild weather has completely pulled me out of my funk and inspired me to be productive.  I actually had all the windows open at one point today, letting in the sweet cool air.  I’m hoping to maybe work on some art today if I can hold on to my inspiration.

Oh! Speaking of which, Pat thinks I thought make the Gretel hat with Magic Mirror Mittens. Interesting! Still not sure what I’m leaning towards.

We were going to head over to Our Other Home today for a family dinner, but it looks like the ladies of the house are all fighting off colds, so instead it’s a quite day in. I think we’ll do some grocery shopping and I may make a little something for the family gathering we have tomorrow.

In Ontario, we have a strange stat holiday that was introduced a couple of years ago, called Family Day. Monday we are all off work (though employers can choose to not observe family day in exchange for having a day off in August instead) so we’re getting together with Pat’s family for food and hang outs. I’m thinking I may do a homemade mac and cheese as a side to the burgers and such that we’re going to have. I haven’t made it in a while, and it would be much healthier for me to make it when it is to be shared between seven people. I feel blessed to have been able to see Isaac this weekend and then a whole day to spend with my in-laws. It’s time I really needed with really lovely people.

And now, I’m off to continue with my productivity. Enjoy the weekend :)

Daily Life

Spring Cleaning

Hard at work today! Happy Easter to those who celebrate it. For us, it’s the beginning of spring cleaning.

We tore up the nasty carpet in the basement, and the mismatched underlay. The amount of dust and ancient cat piss was incredible. I tidied up the yard, Pat moved the saw on to the deck, we rearranged our stored boxes and managed to fit in a walk. Unfortunately, the painters messed up our washer and dryer, so we spent about an hour re-leveling things, only to discover they wrecked the venting for the dryer. So, tomorrow will involve getting up early, going to Ye Olde Home Depot and the grocery store, all before Easter Dinner at the in-laws.

Garbage! So glad to have it gone

Looking forward to the easter dinners, to be honest. I absolutely love my in-laws and my family (most of the time), so these big dinner get togethers are always great. Tomorrow is the in-laws, Sunday is my family dinner and Monday is the “super fantabular mystic cookoff”, held by one of Pat’s groomsmen and his lovely wife. We’re super lucky that the weather is freakin’ gorgeous this weekend. It’s 28 degrees Celsius out there right now (that’s 82 for my US readers), and tomorrow it’s supposed to be about the same. Yay for spring!

Last night I decided to check up on the bellydance world for the first time in a while. For those that don’t know, I used to dance pretty regularly. I started taking lessons in 2002, and quit about a year ago. I’ve taken Egyptian, Romani, Turkish, Folkloric and Tribal classes. Tribal and Romani are huge favourites of mine, so I popped on youtube to see what TribeFest was like this year. Man, did it ever make me miss dance. Unfortunately, I am far too broke and too busy to get back into it right now. Ah well, one day.

Ah, that’s me from a performance a few years back. It’s amazing how much more active I was back then. Do I ever miss it.

On that note, I have to go wash up. I feel very gross from all the dust and such. Have a good one all :)